I Need U (Kim Namjoon x Reader)

Chapter 6

"How's the tutor?" Ji Eun asked. "I heard he's hot."

"And where did you hear that from?" you asked exasperatedly while rolling your eyes.

"Jungkook saw him leaving your house the other day and man was he in love."

"Tell your cousin to find a boyfriend already." you scoffed. It wasn't a surprise for you hearing that. You overheard him telling the rest of the boys about Namjoon and how godly he looked, Jungkook's exact words. It's been a few weeks now with Namjoon and though you only see him a few times a week, it was too much seeing him.

You tried your hardest to not let anger get the best of you, but it was difficult to do suppress the sadness you felt whenever you look at him. It was a reminder that you lost the most important thing to you. The holein your heart grew. Taehyung had noticed the shift of your emotions and took it as a sign to fire Namjoon. He had been wanting to do it for so long but you told him no, it was nothing to worry about.

"Anyways, he's fine. Really smart so that's all that's important."

She studied your fingers, how they tumbled on top of each other in discomfort. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"Bullshit."she snapped. "We've been friends since out potty training days. I can tell when somethings wrong." It made you laugh, the way she was so candid about things, even unpleasant memories like learning how to use the bathroom.

"I....I just miss the hairpin, that's all." you answered. Ji Eun exhaled understandingly and put her arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer to her protectively. The gesture made you emotional and the tears flowed out naturally.

"She'll be in your memories and your heart." Ji Eun said calmly. She had a habit of running her hand through the ends of your hair. "And you have us, people who are here and loves you. You never walk alone, Y/N."

"That was cheesy." you snorted.

"I was trying to be supportive. Way to ruin the moment." she groaned.

"Sorry, I'm not used to this side of you. I'm used to you being sarcastic and hating the world."

"I can still be that, dumbass."

"Ah, you're back. But thanks for trying to cheer me up. I really appreciate you."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever." she said dismissively and removed her arm from you. Ji Eun was someone you needed in your life. Not just because she's been your friends for so long but she's honest with things and won't sugarcoat like Taehyung or the rest of them does. She'll talk about her feelings in a raw way and won't hold back when something is bothering her.

When she first heard about your health, the first thing she said was "fuck" followed by more foul language at no one in particular. Then she started yelling at you for not taking care of yourself. She knew it wasn't your fault but she had no other way to cope with the situation. She would joke about shaving her hair off if that were to ever happen to you. It was to comfort you about potential shredding but thank goodness it hasn't happened. No more counting days, you told yourself.

***

Namjoon scanned the paper you turned in earlier this morning. While doing that, he said you could relax for a bit so you decided to pick up a book. His eyes everted occasionally as he watched your finger dancing in the air while you read. It was quiet as usual. Since the first day, you two haven't talked about the incident or the hairpin. You just let it, at least in front of him.

He should feel fine, but that's not the reality. Namjoon felt uneasy. He expected you to yell or hit him because that would have been the normal response, but you continued to follow his lessons. Somehow you ignoring him was worse than physical pain.

"The paper looks good." Namjoon said, placing the paper down. "You writing is clear, though you tend to use passive verbs. Maybe try using active instead so it will be easier for the readers."

You nodded and took it back. "Alright. Thanks."

"Let's get started on English then. I brought us a book to read. I couldn't find my second copy. Is it okay if we share?" You hesitated. "I won't do anything to you." he offered.

"You already did." you said without thinking. Then cupped your mouth but it's already been done. His eyes dimmed and his head retreated back a little. "Sorry, I didn't mean to say that."

Namjoon smiled slightly. "No, you have every right to say that. I messed up and it's my fault. I'm really sorry, Y/N. If I could go back and change that night, I would."

"But you can't and it's okay." you replied. "Did you know it was me when you applied for the job?" If he knew, his intentions would be much different. 

"No, it was a coincidence." he answered right away.

"Okay." you said hesitantly.

He sighed. "If you don't mind me asking, why do you want the hairpin back? Can't you buy another?"

"There are some things you can't buy, Namjoon." you answered. The sound of his names coming off your lips sent chills down his spine, in a good way. "The hairpin belonged to my late grandmother. My grandpa made it for her and she gave it to me, as a farewell present. Having it was like having a piece of her."

Namjoon's heart stopped for a second, it was a similar sensation to when he found out his mother was sick. But that was better because at least he didn't cause it. The loss you're feeling right now was entirely his fault. The smile you had towards him made it worse. He thought he didn't deserve it. You scooted closer to him because you knew he was trying his best.

He had you read out loud and would fix your pronunciation if you needed. At some point, the sound of your voice stopped and his shoulder felt heavier than usual. When he registered the source of that little extra weight, he blushed. You parents told him that you might fall asleep and since you already took your medicines, he didn't wake you up.

That meant he would stay in that position. He watched as your chest rose and fell, and repeated. Your hand was slowly falling from the book and he caught it before it fully dropped. It was soft. Fearing that you would think he's weird for holding it, he put it down on your lap. "I'm sorry." he whispered as he looked away.

You woke up in your room, on your bed. Namjoon wasn't there as it was already late in the afternoon and Taehyung should be home soon. The blanket was covering your body. For the most part, the room still looked intact, not that Namjoon would do anything but there's a part of you that still won't trust him. There was a note by your bed stand.

I can apologize a million times for what I did. But I want to say thank you for giving a chance. I won't let you down.

You put the note in an empty drawer. It's his promise and you hoped he keeps it.