Lumière // h.s

[ t h i r t y - t h r e e ]

Cait's POV.

I was guided into a room where all the boys family's and girlfriends were. I was overwhelmed how many people were in one room.

Harry and I met eyes as he spoke with his step dad, he subtly winked at me but I was too focused on how many people were in the room. It was full.

I don't know how long I stood in the door for, Lou Teasdale at some point tapped my shoulder to politely ask if she could get in. I smiled and moved out of the way, Harry's eyes still on mine.

I shake my head at him before rushing out the door, I head for wherever I can get to. I just want fresh air, I just need to be somewhere where I can have my panic attack.

My heart is pounding, my lips dry. I almost feel sick.

"Cait!" I hear Harry call but I carry on half walking/half jogging. I hear Harry behind me but I don't turn around I keep heading for a certain door I know will lead me outside.

Once I reach it, I push it open only to be met by fans who are behind dividers. The second they see me they scream and point. I shut the door again quickly before they can see Harry.

I turn and head for another door. I open it and luckily it opens to a huge room, it's well lit with a few chairs here and there but that's about it. It looked like a rehearsal space.

I shut the door and lean against the wall, I hear the door open seconds later and shut again but I don't turn to look at him, I just focus on my breathing.

"Are you okay?"

I rest my hands on my thighs, my head bowing. "I'll be fine." I pant. "You go back."

"I'm not leaving my girlfriend to have a panic attack in some room in Croke Park."

I don't reply.

"Do you want water?"

That sounded nice.

"No thanks." I reject stubbornly.

After a few minutes, once my breathing is back to normal and my hands aren't trembling, I slide down the wall.

I sit silently my head in my hands, not looking at Harry who had now sat beside me.

"You're wearing my favourite jeans."

I smile slightly, only slightly. I was in his favourite jeans, they had two rips across the knees, he always said they were the opposite of me, so ripped and edgy whereas I'm so innocent and naive.

"You're missing out." I say softly.

"I'm not, they can all wait."

"I don't think you're being fair. You're families here for you Harry."

"Why are you acting as if you don't want me here?"

"I'm not acting. I told you before, I'm not normal."

He sighs.

I take his phone out of my bag, suddenly remembering. "You left it on my bed."

"Thanks, I thought I'd left it in the car here." He replies unlocking his phone.

We sit in silence for around 5 minutes before I finally let the question I'd been wanting to ask overtake me.

"Who's Ellis?"

Harry sighed. He does that an awful lot, I'd never noticed how much he did, or maybe it's because I'm so frustrating.

"You read my texts then?"

I shake my head. "As I picked it up it lit up with her text."

"Cait," He sighs, again.

"Cait, there you are! I was worried sick!" My mum bursts through the door and hugs me tightly.

Harry stands up awkwardly and leaves the room silently.

"I haven't seen you in so long." My mum comments holding my face in her hands, I look down not making eye contact with her.

"I know." I say softly. "I'm sorry." And just like that, I begin to cry. It's almost a sob. I never really cry but the weight of the world had been on my shoulders lately and I couldn't help but let it all out. And who more perfect to cry to than my mum?

She sits down with me and plays with my hair, this was how she comforted me when I was younger.

"Louis and I aren't speaking, somehow dads in contact with him, I don't have a permanent place to live, I have no job and this stupid anxiety is getting too much." I sob. "I don't know who to go to, where to go."

Mum continues to play with my hair. "You always come to me. You know that?"

"You have Lottie and Fiz, the twins and the new ones coming." It's then I'd noticed my mums stomach had grown increasingly since the last time I saw her.

"Doesn't mean I won't have time for you. You're still my baby. You always will be. And I'm always here, whether you need to talk or sit in silence."

I wipe under my eyes as I sit up. "Thank you."

She smiles and kisses my forehead. "Don't mention it."

I check I haven't ruined my makeup before looking at the time. 25 minutes until show time.

"Harry's a good guy.."

I nod. "He is."

"Just friends?"

I swallow. "Of course." My voice came out hoarse but my mum believed me. I think.

We both stood up and slowly started walking back. "The next time you feel like this, tell me okay?" Mum asks.

I nod as she heads inside the family packed room. I however am stopped by Louis.

"We need to talk don't we?" He starts.

I nod looking anywhere but at him.

We stand around a corner away from everyone. "How have you been?"

"Good."

"Good."

"I.. owe you an apology." He sighs.

"Mhmm."

"A huge one, actually." He corrects. "I shouldn't have said anything that I did say. It was wrong of me."

I swallow. "It was."

"You're my sister, you know? I feel like I have to protect you and make sure you're making the right decisions."

"I understand and appreciate that Louis but, I'm not 8 anymore. I don't need my twin brother shadowing me making sure I'm doing the right thing. I'm an adult now and my decisions and choices are mine, they're not for you to dictate. You can't control me, and I know you don't do it spitefully. It comes from a good place. And we're twins, we're bound for life. But, I've got my life now. And you have yours."

He nods. "I know."

I hold up my pinky. "Best friends?"

His pinky locks with mine. "Forever."

We laugh as he throws his arm around my shoulder. We talk all the way down the hallway as if we'd never fallen out and it felt nice to have my twin back, for now.