Random Short Glimpses Into My Mind

The Routine

Disclaimer:
I do not participate in this type of behavior, nor do I condone it in any way. Please, don't get any crazy ideas.

Could be a trigger warning for some, so if you are easily offended by mentions of drug abuse and suicidal tendencies, please do not read.
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Quiet. That's all I can hear as I slowly sink into
the soft bed, which could soon be my final resting place. Mom just left to go shopping, meaning I am all alone. It was only a matter of time now, the pills were already on their way thru my digestive system, slithering their way slowly to my stomach. After that they will enter my blood stream, then my brain. After that, I will be a goner.

I lie on my back for awhile, waiting for my timer to go off and the rush of dying to completely leave my body before I run into the bathroom. I quickly stick two dry, rough finger tips down my throat, forcing myself to wretch forward and expel myself of my previous high. I wipe my mouth off quickly as I stand, enjoying the emptiness I now feel in the pit of my stomach.

You see, this is my routine. I buy a bottle of cheap ass adderall mixed in with some low life's version of "sleep medicine", I down the whole thing, and I wait, 1 hour to be exact.

I like to tempt fate and every god that exists. I wait for a sign, I wait for anyone or anything to come in and tell me what I'm doing is wrong. But no one's ever showed up, and so I continue.

Down pills, wait, throw up, repeat. It's become an every day thing now. It's almost the same as breathing for me, yet it makes me feel so much better.

After I'm done, I always feel a strange comfort. One that reminds me that I'm in control, that I have my own life at my finger tips. Plus, it always leaves me feeling so empty and at peace. It's almost blissful to finally quiet my ever screaming mind.

Am I crazy to do it? Perhaps. Whatever I am though, I love it. And I plan on enjoying my routine for as long as I have the money to afford it.