Random Short Glimpses Into My Mind

Loved you more

How much do you have to love a person before it becomes too much? Is that notion even a possibility? Can you love one person too much?

I believe you can. It's as natural to some people as breathing air. They love one person so much, it leaves no space for anybody else, and they become encapsulated in their own universe.

This excess of love is so hard to describe. It's like you need that person to breath, to survive. It's like that person becomes your purpose for living. The reason why you get up in the morning; why you try and try again to succeed.

I loved someone too much many times before. So many times it should be a crime. It's like I whore my heart out to any sorry soul looking to abuse it.

The last one I loved with so much force, I let down and ruined it all with my incompetence. I was so blind to my own actions, that I hurt them most with my feelings.

Now, I'm so scared to love anyone else. I'm terrified I will hurt them too, like I hurt the last. It's like I can't get over my love for this person, even when I know they hate me more than anyone. They hate me for good reasons. It took me a long time to ever realize just why they felt this way towards me.

After we broke up, I pitied myself so much, I lost all sight of their feelings. My self-esteem was so wounded that I took it out on everybody but myself. I was so absolutely idiotic, that I couldn't take the blame for my own miserable state.

It's all my fault. It really is. I am the cause of all that has happened to me. I don't deserve the happiness I seek. Not after I took away so much of somebody else's.