What it says on the tin.
Some ranting, some advice, some archaic reference, and a lot of cussing. My take on how I think fanfiction should be written and some of the biggest problems with it right now. Because I may not be the best at writing, but...
Then bitch, I'm a necromancer so stand back and get ready for some skeletons to dance
If writers are afraid of using the word "said" too much, then fanfiction writers are fucking terrified of it and swinging with a baseball bat in a horror movie.
"Said" is not fucking dead. It's beating its' fist against the top of the coffin and screaming as you throw dirt over its' head because it scared you and you knocked it unconscious with a baseball bat. Shame on you.
In writing, the worst thing to some people is the idea that you're repeating your structure and words too much. 'Said' is often the target here, when trying to get rid of this problem. Well, I'm ready to blow your mind.
'Said' is a beautiful word. It's perfect. It is invisible to your readers. They breeze right on by it, don't think about it, they're too busy thinking about the dialogue to give a shit about it. It does its job and tells you the obvious.
But when you're out here using a goddamned thesaurus or "helpful list!" that's three pages long of "alternatives", it's fucking weird. Words like replied, stated, enunciated, proclaimed, retorted, disclosed, suggested, announced, etc are weird. They're clunky, they're awkward, and they stick out. They take the reader out of the scene and out of the moment to think about that word and why you used it because it's fucking weird. Stop. It.
I get it, there are times when using a different word makes sense. But, that's the fucking point. If you're telling me your character ANNOUNCED something, it should be announcement worthy. Their tone should be grand and formal and epic. Using that word needs to make sense for the scene it's taking place in. Any replacement of said should be purposeful and tell me more about the way it was said.
"But I've used 'said' over twenty times in this chapter and it's repetitive!"
Then. Guess. Fucking. What?
Your problem is not the word said. Stop blaming it on the poor guy, he's trying his damned best.
Your problem, is you're using the same structure too much. Let's look at a wonderful and great example that's worthy of a Pulitzer award and took me hours to craft.
"This is really fucking dumb dialogue," Jane said.
"Yeah, no shit," John said.
"Well, this fucking sucks," she said.
"Yeah. No shit," he said.
Give me my trophy now.
So, those dialogue tags (ie, the thing that comes after the dialogue, congrats you learned the name of the thing) are boring and repetitive and make me want to put my head through the wall. Let's try to fix that.
"This is really fucking dumb dialogue," Jane declared.
"Yeah, no shit," John replied.
"Well, this fucking sucks," she decided.
"Yeah. No shit," he stated.
Wow, now I want to shoot myself in both feet instead of one!
So that's obviously not any better. Not even a little tiny bit. If anything, it almost feels worse. Now I'm thinking about those damned words.
How do you actually solve the 'said' problem, then?
Well, I'm glad I asked and pretended you did because this is all just one person typing and talking to herself as she listens to Reddit videos.
Fixing 'said' isn't the problem. We got that. The problem is overusing dialogue tags.
But how do you not do that and still know who's talking? Well, let's rewrite our precious dialogue again. From the top.
"This is really fucking dumb dialogue." Jane rolled her eyes.
John gave her a blank stare. "Yeah, no shit."
"Well, this fucking sucks." She tapped her acrylic nails against the wood table.
"Yeah. No shit." His tone was flat.
Would you look at that? That's not a pain to read, holy shit! We did it Scooby, we solved the fucking mystery!
By using descriptions before and after of the scene itself, not only can we avoid dialogue tags altogether and still know who's talking, but we actually get to know more about the scene and the body language of the characters. Instead of two talking voices in space, I now have a mental image of what the characters look and sound like as they talk. I'm in the scene because I know what the scene actually is.
Obviously, this is a lot. And in rapid-fire dialogue, it's over the top to be constantly describing every little move or tone when a character says four words. That's when you use 'said', or a REASONABLE equivalent for the dialogue. Sometimes, you don't even need any descriptive or tag for a piece of dialogue, especially if it's funny back and forth banter between two characters. I know who's talking, and it can be comedic and quick-paced to avoid anything outside of dialogue for three or four lines.
Get creative. Stop googling "alternatives to said". And please stop hitting it over the head with the baseball bat. 'Said' has a headache.
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