A Lunatic's Lament

9

I felt sore, sorer than I expected. I thought that once it was over then that was it, but the feeling never left. Not to mention I had been crying for about two hours straight which made all my stomach muscles hurt, along with my head. I did calm down eventually though and then I simply felt numb.

Usually when I was upset I would stop, compose myself and then pray to God for help or support. I truly thought that he could help and guide me through life. That's how I was raised and that's what I believed. That's what my parents told me to do. Now though, well now I had little hope. I've always been a good person so I couldn't comprehend why this was happening to me. I didn't know why I was being punished. Had I spent my whole adolescence being a decent person for nothing? I didn't understand anything right now. After what just happened, my faith was lost.

"I don't know what I did wrong," I whimpered to myself.

I wanted a sign, anything at all, to get me through this. All I got was the sound of scraping metal. My eyes fell on the opening between mine and Vic's rooms. The bars lifted too. I waited a few moments for Vic to come to me like he usual would, but he didn't. Panic ran through me and my mind jumped to the worst conclusion. I finally made a move and crawled over to the opening. Looking through I saw Vic sitting there on his mattress, leaning against the wall and staring off in the distance.

"Vic?" I questioned.

I didn't get a reply. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to be anywhere near him right now, but I felt so disgusted being in my own room. My surroundings kept reminding me of what happened. I cautiously examined the edges of the opening. I was scared that it would snap closed when I'm half way through, but I took my chances and quickly pulled myself through. I stood up, feeling my bones crack because I had been lying so still for so long.

"Vic?" I questioned once more, looking over at him.

He didn't even look at me. I was worried about him now. He was my only companion, so even though I wasn't sure if I wanted to be anywhere near him, or anyone for that matter, I went over to the mattress and sat on it.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

He finally looked at me. The steely gaze from before dropped and was replaced with tears glistening in his eyes. I was surprised that after all of that I was the one who was keeping myself together the most. He shook his head as the tears fell. I sat there, unsure of what to do. He covered his face with his hands while he sobbed. I decided to just wait until he got it all out. It actually really hurt to see him like this. In the short amount of time that I've been here he was always the strong one. He kept himself composed and now here he was breaking down in front of me.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I asked.

I didn't want to talk about it, but I thought it might help. He looked back up at me. Honestly, he looked like a complete mess.

"F-for so long I wanted something to happen, you know? I just needed something, anything just...different. But I didn't expect this. I...I...didn't..." he stopped speaking as he broke into sobs again. I had no idea what to say. He sniffled and wiped his eyes.

"Do you hate me?" he asked.

"What? Of course not. It wasn't your fault, and it wasn't my fault. We were forced to do it," I assured him.

He nodded meekly. He looked like he hated himself. I felt like I had been raped, which means he must feel like he raped someone. He's a good person, I can tell that he is, so it mustn't have been easy to inflict that sort of trauma on someone. Although I really didn't want any kind of human contact right now, I still moved closer and wrapped my arms around him. His body tensed, but then he slowly wrapped his arms around me.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"You're welcome. We're all each other's got, so we need to be here for each other," I told him.

He held me tighter, clearly not wanting to let go any time soon.

"I'm really sorry you went through that," he said.

I didn't say anything, just rested my head against his shoulder. I honestly thought I'd be repulsed to be this close to him after what happened, but I felt comfortable in his arms. We had both been through something traumatic, so it was only normal to feel closer, right? Was it stupid to bond over something so horrible? Eventually we pulled away and smiled lightly at each other. He had stopped crying but I saw the pain in his eyes. My own were probably mirroring them.

"Why do you think he made us do that?" I asked quietly.

I looked up at the camera in the corner of the room. It was pointed right at us. Either this man was watching us right now, or he had been focused on Vic earlier. Who knows? Who fucking cares? I hated this man so much. I looked back at Vic who didn't respond. He merely shrugged, so I gave him my theory first.

"Maybe it's some kind of sick, like...incest porn," I said.

He frowned at me, so I kept talking, "I mean, he thinks I'm his son, so... I don't know. It's just a theory."

Of course I knew that this man was into his son. He had touched himself while looking at me naked after all, and I was supposedly his replacement son. I couldn't tell Vic what happened in that bathroom though.

"I think he's," he paused, looking unsure of himself but then continued, "I think he's trying to, sort of, make us be like a couple. You know, like a relationship."

"Like, boyfriends? Or...?" I was so confused by this theory.

"It makes sense, doesn't it? It's like he's trying to put us together. He went through so many other boys. What if he was trying to find a perfect match this whole time? I mean, he encourages it. He wanted me to take care of you when he burnt you. He let us fall asleep together. He wants us to talk a lot. He made us have sex. What if this is his plan? To force us to fall for each other?" he pondered out loud.

"By forcing sex?" I asked incredulously.

"I don't know. Maybe. This man is dangerous and sick, would you really put it past him?" he asked.

I guess he's right, as much as I didn't want him to be. I thought back to the incident in the bathroom and how the man didn't want me to tell Vic what happened because it would ruin our perfect family. What if when he said that he actually meant he didn't want me to tell Vic because in his sick twisted mind, Vic is supposed to be like my boyfriend or fucking husband or whatever, so he didn't want Vic to get jealous, or theoretically "split us up" even though there was no us.

I felt really sick. This man was twisted. Every day I was finding out that what this man was doing was actually a lot more calculated and well thought out than I originally believed. Something different happened every day. Something new was revealed every day. Which just left the question of what would happen next? If this man was trying to force Vic and I together then what happened earlier was just the beginning. There would undoubtedly be more of it.

"What if we don't do what he wants?" I asked, feeling panicked, "Like what if we fail being who he wants us to be?"

He shrugged hopelessly, "I guess we just have to do what he says and hope for the best."

I looked away from him. This could be a forever thing. I could be trapped here, forced to be close to Vic forever; being forced to have sex with him. And although these thoughts are daunting I couldn't help but think of the one optimistic thing about the whole situation. I looked back at him and spoke in a soft voice.

"For the record... if I'm going to be in this situation with anyone then...well I guess I'm glad that it's with you," I admitted.

It could be worse. The man could have kept me to himself, or I could have been down here with someone horrible. He smiled and held my hand. I looked down at them. We would get through this together. We had to.