A Lunatic's Lament

20

Playing nice with Vic shouldn't be that hard, right? I mean, that's what he's wanted all along. He's wanted me to like him, so all I'm doing is giving him what he wants. I felt sick to my stomach about it though. I knew that I'd be faking it, but it would still be difficult to pretend that I liked him. It was the day after we had our mini argument about religion. I hadn't spoken to him, which really wasn't much different to normal. I knew I had to soon though to give off the impression that I like him.

Right now we were sitting on our bed. I wasn't handcuffed. He didn't need me handcuffed when he's here to supervise me. I was reading a book he had given me and he was sitting across from me at the other end of the bed doing a crossword puzzle. I felt his eyes on me and I looked up.

"What?" I asked. He looked a little unsure of himself before he spoke.

"Are you still mad at me because of our argument yesterday?" he questioned.

I wanted to make him feel as guilty as possible, but that wouldn't get me anywhere. I just shrugged and mumbled an "I don't know."

I looked back down at the book, but out of the corner of my eye I saw him get up and leave the room. It was really uncommon for him to leave me alone and me not be handcuffed, so I figured he would be back soon, and he was. He walked to the edge of the bed near where I was sitting.

"Here," he said. I looked up at him to see he was holding a book out towards me. It wasn't just any book though. It was the bible. I hesitantly took it from him. He was giving me a bible

"This has been here for years. I'm not sure where it came from...but you can have it if you want. I figured you might like it," he said.

I just looked at him, a little confused at his kind gesture. He clearly hated the idea of God, yet he was giving me a bible. He pushed aside his feelings about the topic to make me happy. I had to remind myself again that he's still the sick freak who kidnapped and abused me.

"Thank you," I said softly.

"Anything for you," he said with a smile.

Yeah, anything except letting me leave. He went back to his spot on the bed and continued with his crossword. My gaze didn't leave him. Sometimes he seems like such a normal person. Here is someone who has murdered people, raped me and was downright insane, yet he was doing a crossword puzzle like a normal person.

It was horrible what he had been through and I understood that that could lead to insanity, but it still didn't excuse what he did. The whole situation just made me sad because if it weren't for him accidentally killing Dylan then he'd probably be a normal person. He'd be living a normal life with his husband, yet here he is a complete lunatic.

"Kellin?" he said. I just realized he had been watching me too.

"What?" I asked.

"You were staring," he said.

"Oh, sorry," I muttered and looked back down at my book. When I still felt his eyes on me I looked up at him again This time I gave a small, forced smile.

"I like your smile. I rarely see it," he said.

I just smiled again. Who knew that smiling could be so painful? Vic closed his crossword book and tossed it on the floor, then crawled over to me. He took the book from my hands, closed it, and set it on the bedside table. My heart rate quickened. I was scared about what he was going to do next. I wasn't stupid. I knew that being nice to him would have consequences and he'd want to do things with me. I had mentally prepared myself for it all last night. I prepared myself for it all last night. I didn't think it'd be this soon though.