A Lunatic's Lament

21

Vic had barely even questioned my motives after I slept with him. It had been two days and he didn't say anything. He just seemed really happy that I was showing affection towards him. He was so convinced that we were meant to be together forever that he was blinded from the truth. He trusted me. He was delusional.

I wasn't game enough to try much else yesterday. I didn't want him to get suspicious of me so I kept my distance a little, plus I was overwhelmed with what happened. I was ashamed with myself and didn't want to go anywhere near Vic unless I had to. I knew I had to keep up the charade though.

Right now we were sitting on the couch watching a movie. There was a small space in between us and I had been sitting here for the past half an hour trying to get the courage to make a move. Every time I decided that I would I'd get disgusted in being near him. I sighed and did it though. I moved closer and laced my fingers with his.

It was such a simple thing but to me it was like I was giving in to what he wanted. I was scared because it might lead to sex again, and I don't want that. I can't handle that. Not again.

"I love you," Vic said. I looked over at him. He was looking at me like he was expecting me to say it back. Just say it It's easy, right?

"You love me too, don't you?" he asked. Was he finally getting suspicious with me?

"Of course I do," I lied.

He quickly smiled, believing what I said. He was so gullible. He's truly insane. He leant in and kissed my lips. He was quick to deepen it, and in turn I was quick to reject him. I pushed him away lightly.

"I, uh, I really like this movie," I said and looked back to the TV He bought the excuse and went back to watching the show. I rolled my eyes. This whole thing was ridiculous.

"Are you hungry?" he asked. I actually was hungry, so I nodded.

"A little," I replied.

"Good, I'll make us dinner," he said.

He kissed my cheek then got up, leaving me there. I let out a sigh of relief. It's really difficult to contain my anger and disgust towards him. I was yet to figure out what my plan even was. I was supposed to make him trust me, but then what do I do?

"Hey Kellin, you wanna come in here and give me a hand?" Vic called from the kitchen after a little while. I was a little startled since he interrupted my deceitful thoughts about him, but I shook it off quickly.

"Yeah, sure," I said and got up from the comfortable spot on the couch. I went in to see him standing at the counter cutting up vegetables. He was making a stir fry. It was sizzling away in the pan and smelt delicious

"Could you get me a spoon from the drawer?" he asked.

Like an obedient prisoner I did as I was told and went to the drawer the cutlery was kept in. He never let me go anywhere near this drawer, and I knew why the second I opened it. Sitting there was a section filled with sharp knives. My hand had a mind of its own as I slowly picked one up.

It was like I was in a trance thinking of all the damage I could do with it. It was tempting, really, it was. Here I was with a weapon in my hand and someone I would be happy to see hurt. It would be so easy to just walk up behind him and stab him, then again the last time I tried that he easily overpowered me and threatened to kill me.

"I said a spoon," Vic said, making me jump.

He was closer to me than I thought. In fact he was standing right in front of me. I looked from the knife and back up to him. He was gazing at me with a blank expression. He hadn't stopped smiling at me for the past two days, and now he was looking at me so seriously. I had to fix this quickly.