A Lunatic's Lament

23

It was the same thing over and over again. I'd be asleep in my bed, feeling safe and secure, then I would feel him on me. His kisses. His touches. My skin crawls. My stomach drops. Nothing feels okay. It was like I was back in that house with him. Anxiety would fill every inch of my being. Somewhere in the middle of it I'd realize I was having a dream and I'd try to force myself awake, but he was holding me down. He was holding me back from escaping my own thoughts. His hand would cover my mouth to stop my desperate screams and begs for mercy. I could never wake myself up no matter how hard I tried. I was constantly trapped.

"Kellin," the hand touching my shoulder was the thing that brought me back to reality. My body reacted before my mind did and I was screaming.

"Don't touch me!" my voice echoed around the silent room.

My quick panting was in time with my erratic heartbeat. It was only after I screamed that I realized it wasn't Vic touching me. I was sitting on the floor in one of the college lecture halls. The whole class was watching me and my professor, the one who touched my shoulder, was standing next to my desk.

I was still breathing quickly, too quickly to get a sufficient amount of oxygen into my lungs. There were so many people watching me it made me feel uncomfortable. I leapt up from the ground and made a dash for the door.

"Mr. Sykes, could you make sure he's okay?" I heard the professor say just before I left.

I slid down one of walls and sat on the floor of the empty hallway with my head in my hands. I took deep breaths to prevent myself from freaking out further. I told myself over and over again that I was okay. I was in class and Vic was dead. He was gone. He can't get to me. I was safe.

"Are you alright?" the voice of one of my classmates, Oliver Sykes, asked. I looked at him. He was kneeling on the ground in front of me. I nodded quickly.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine," I squeaked out, "I think I might go for a walk though."

"Mind if I tag along? He asked me to look out for you, after all," he said.

I actually preferred not being alone, so I nodded before standing up. The two of us walked side by side down the hall. I didn't know Oliver Sykes very well. I had barely talked to him really. He seemed nice enough though.

"So, Kellin, how are you doing since... you know," he trailed off.

I rolled my eyes. Ever since I came back to college, it's just been everyone hounding me about what happened. I got back home a little over a week ago and decided I wanted to go back to school as soon as possible. I just wanted my life to get back to normal, or at least as normal as it could be.

The media went crazy trying to get my story, but in order to protect myself from the public view, my parents thought it best that I kept things to myself. I wasn't opposed to it. I didn't want to be in the limelight. I just wanted everything to go back to normal, plus it was horrible talking about it. No one understood that I didn't want to tell them exactly what happened. Every day, more like every hour, I'd have someone ask me for details about what happened, and every time I'd tell them the same thing.

"Look, if you want me to tell you about what happened, then I'm sorry, but I'm not going to talk about it," I said.

"I wasn't going to ask. I just wanted to know how you were," he said. I frowned at myself. I guess it was rude of me to jump to that conclusion.

"Oh...sorry. Um, I'm fine," I lied, but come on, I wasn't about to tell a stranger that I felt like crying every second of every day and that I constantly felt like I was going crazy because I'm having difficulty distinguishing between real life and whatever dream I'm having.