I Don't Seem So Bright in a Well-Lit Room

Chapter Fifteen

Many members of the Artificial Intelligence Community have enough artificial intelligence to shut themselves down into some sort of (not particularly cozy) sleep-mode from time to time. This is generally to optimize power and make more efficient use of their energy. It also ensures less wear-and-tear and makes them feel a little less artificial and a little more intelligent (even if it's not particularly cozy).

Mel Million Max had not been using his time above Lyme Node (waiting for his sensors to go off, indicating that the Shiv had left the planet) very artificially intelligent and efficiently. He had been watching old pre-mall Earth horror movies. He needed ideas.

His C.C. (Creativity Chip) had been working overtime and was out of whack, and this seemed a good method to find some new creative ways to kill his wretched son once he had captured him.

On behalf of The Node, General Eppie had stated that they only needed the Quarol back alive. However, Aye could be delivered in a body bag, or, if Mel had his way...several body bags. Several tiny body bags.

This made him very happy. He had spent some of that time above Lyme Node creating an H.C. (Happiness Chip) simply so that he could enjoy this. So perhaps he hadn't spent that time efficiently, but his S-I.C. (Self-Indulgence Chip) kept him awake and working.

He sat through slasher movies, something called "torture porn", zombie invasions, sexy vampire films and giant lizard flicks, but he still couldn't find a finishing move. That "pièce de résistance" that would go down in the Towerscapian history books (when he finally found Towerscape).

He marvelled at the many silly ways ancient humans killed each other. Tophers were a much more violent species in general, but humans were outright comedic and cruel. Tophers generally favoured a simple bullet through the throat or the odd explosive. Humans used cutlery, tools, trained animals, food items, electricity, gases, insults and even footwear. Ridiculous! Hilarious! Fun! Horrible!

The films were fascinating, even if he did take issue with the lack of character development and many plot holes. He also took issue with a sub-genre called "supernatural". He wondered how anything could be "super" natural.

Androids like Mel Million Max were not known for their belief of anything beyond science and circuits and logic. "That creature came out of nowhere! How did it come back to life after being dead for so long? How is he invisible?? How can she fly without wings or technology???" he screamed many times at the screen while watching. "Either something is natural or it is not! How can it be super natural?"

He wasn't wrong, but he didn't quite understand that this was merely a form of Earth entertainment and not how-to reality programming. He didn't understand that "supernatural" was just a term that humans made up for "otherworldly" and "netherworldly", because he wasn't programmed to recognize that there were other/netherworlds. He took issue with fantasy, and he didn't get animation at all.

He had just finished installing an L.C. (Laughter Chip) into every robot in his robot armada when the sensor finally went off. Content that his robots would have a good hearty mocking laugh as they dragged his son and the Quarol away, he checked his console. Checking his console was something he did not need to do, being connected to his ship and all, but it was inescapable after he had created and installed his O.H.D.H.C. (Old Habits Die Hard Chip).

He fired up his thrusters and locked his trackers on to the Shiv as it left Lyme Node. He wasn't going to attack right away. He wanted to savour this (again the O.H.D.H.C.).

He followed at a distance that wouldn't be detected and waited. He was very good at waiting. He didn't need to create any chip for that. Electronics are fine with waiting. His own L.C. kicked in and he chortled the evilest chortle he was programmed to chortle.