THE ROTTEN LOVERS
BOOK AND MUSIC BY:
MALATE'W KRISTY-R'EE
ACT ONE
Scene 1
The lights come up on a small restaurant table. The demon Failcotte the Fragile sits alone with an old bottle of grey wine. The lighting is low and blue and comes from a large chandelier hanging from above. No one else is in the restaurant. He drinks from the bottle for several seconds. He looks melancholy and perhaps a little constipated.
FAILCOTTE: This wine tastes like insults and old oatmeal. Nothing in my day brings this ol' demon joy anymore. Such is my lament! Such is my lament. Waiter!
A waiter with a limp enters from centre stage, dragging his third, false leg behind him.
LAME WAITER: What now, you ugly sore?
FAILCOTTE: How do you do it? You, with three legs, two of them lame. (beat) How do you endure?
The waiter picks up his dragging third leg. It is now a lute. He plays it and sings.
SONG -- "THE LAME WAITER'S SONG"
(WAITER:)
I USED TO HOVER AROUND MY OLD FLAT,
WISHING ON WISHBONES, AND CHEWING THE FAT,
I HAD ALL THE WILL OF A WOEBEGONE GNAT,
THAT FED OFF THE TIT OF A SPOILING DEAD CAT...
AND I NEEDED LOVE BAD...
LOVE IS THE BANDAGE—THAT HEALED MY HEART!
LOVE IS THE SANDWICH I ATE WITH A TART!
LOVE IS THE SAUCE ON MY HAPPINESS MEAT!
BUT LOVE IS THE REASON I CAN'T USE MY FEET.
(FAILCOTTE:)
I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU COULD BE SO COY,
YOU SAY THAT LOVE SAVED YOU, YOU SILLY LAME BOY,
NOW TWO OF YOUR FEET ARE ALL BUT A PLOY,
TO GET BETTER TIPS, YOU SHOULD NOT BE EMPLOYED...
YOU DON'T EVEN SERVE GOOD BOK CHOY...
LOVE IS THE BANDAGE —THAT HEALED YOUR HEART?
LOVE IS THE SANDWICH YOU ATE WITH A TART?
LOVE IS THE SAUCE ON YOUR HAPPINESS MEAT?
NO, LOVE'S JUST THE REASON YOU CAN'T USE YOUR FEET.
(WAITER:)
TRY SEEING IT FROM MY PERSPECTIVE YOU CREEP!
(FAILCOTTE:)
OKAY!!
(BOTH:)
LOVE IS THE BANDAGE THAT CAN HEAL YOUR HEART!
LOVE IS A SANDWICH TO EAT WITH SWEET TARTS!
LOVE IS THE SAUCE ON THE HAPPIEST MEAT!
AND WHEN YOU'VE GOT LOVE, YOU DON'T NEED YOUR FEET!
The music ends. The waiter puts back his lute. It becomes his third leg again. Failcotte downs the rest of the bottle of wine in one go. He coughs for effect.
FAILCOTTE: Well I guess I'm convinced.
A beautiful woman descends with wires from the large chandelier. She is dressed as if she was part of it. She sits at the table with Failcotte.
FAILCOTTE: Wow! Who are you??
GLASS TINA: I am Glass Tina. I was a sad chandelier...but I heard that you are in need of love.
FAILCOTTE: Why, yes! This lame waiter convinced me with his beautiful and haunting song!
GLASS TINA: It surely was beautiful and haunting. (To waiter) Bring me some of your best Bok Choy, s'il vous plaît!
FAILCOTTE: Your funeral! (waits for audience's laughter to die down) Are you made out of glass, Glass Tina?
GLASS TINA: Why yes, I am. I am extremely fragile. Please do not break me!
YOU ARE READING
I Don't Seem So Bright in a Well-Lit Room
Science Fiction"This book speaks to anyone with a neurodivergent brain, that may feel like an alien here on earth. I swear Browning made me laugh and cry and question reality...sometimes all in the same sentence." ...
