Before I Let You Go (In memory of Cameron Boyce)

Part 12

Its official I now have to start buying maternity clothes. I tried on all my bathing suits yesterday for the pool party at Booboo's today and nothing fit these soon to be milk factories attached to my chest. So I had to do a last minute shopping trip. My belly has become noticeable. My body has changed so much already, its becoming more and more unrecognisable to me.

I'm nervous about going to the party and being stared at. I've never been the centre of attention, Cam and I's relationship was low key to the rest of the world and now I'm pregnant and people will have questions, and I just don't want to answer. Cameron knew how to deal with people prying into his private life. I'm not so good at it.

I get ready for the pool party and head over to Booboo's house. Music is turned up loud and there are already a lot of people here. The front door is open, I walk through the house to the backyard where the pool is. People are swimming or hanging out by the pool talking.

I am greeted by Booboo, we hug. "Feel free to put your towel and stuff anywhere you like. Just promise me you'll have some fun." He says.

"Yeah of course. I'll definitely try." I tell him.

Booboo goes off to greet some more guests. I walk over and put my stuff on a sun lounge. I take my towel out and lay it out. I take my sunscreen out and place it on the lounge. I quickly look around to see if anyone is looking at me then I take my t-shirt dress off to reveal my bikini and of course my bump.

I start putting sunscreen on and Dove walks up to me. "Hey Layla, do you want me to do your back?" She offers.

"Yeah that would be great, thanks." I reply. I finish putting sunscreen on and Dove does my back.

"Let me have a look at you." Dove says turning me around to face her. "You're baby bump is so cute. How big is the little one now?" She asks.

"Well I'm almost fourteen weeks so about the size of a lemon according to my baby app that I downloaded." I tell her. I hope I don't have to answer that question a million times today.

I spend most of the day hanging out in the sunshine and swimming. Only a few people have asked about my belly but I've caught a few more staring. Booboo and some of the other guys barbecue for everyone. The food was awesome, I went back for seconds. I've had fun today.

The sun sets and most people go home, except for a few of us. Sitting around the fire outside, most people are drinking and laughing. Being the only sober one I'm mostly just observing.

"Do you think Cameron would have liked today?" Booboo asks.

"He would have absolutely loved it." I say. I've missed Cameron a lot today. He would have had so much fun, hanging with his friends, shooting baskets, dancing and showing off by flipping into the pool.

"Nothing is the same without Cameron." Karan says before taking a sip of his drink.

"I don't want it to be the same." I say.

"Why not?" Dove asks.

"I think we can all agree that Cameron was a once in a life time kind of a person. He was made up of light, hope, passion, generosity, integrity and love. He loved all of us and was always there when we needed him. I tell myself every day how lucky I was to have been loved by him. I don't know if I will ever be in another relationship. Cameron was my great love -  I've had that. I don't even know if I ever want that to happen again." I explain, tears start to form in my eyes.

"He loved you so much. He would have been such a great dad." Dove says coming over to me and giving me me hug.

"Since Cam died you guys have been so kind to me. You invited me into your circle. Taken care of me when all I want to do it wallow in my grief. I just - thank you." I tell them.

Cameron dying was one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with, but I have been so lucky to have been surrounded by people who care for me and knew him like I did. I will always be grateful for the people who were here for me during this time.