"Come on Layla, you're almost there." My midwife encourages.
I've been in labour for almost twelve hours. I'm mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. I've been pushing for the last twenty minutes. My mother and Libby are in the delivery room with me for support.
"I can't! I can't! I'm so tired." I say almost in tears.
"You are so close. Just a few more pushes." She tells me.
"You can do it." My mother says holding my hand.
With the next contraction I push. "I can see her head." Says my midwife. "Just one more push!"
And with the next push. There she is. My daughter. Her cries fill the room and a wave of strong, indescribable emotions just flood over me. Suddenly I have forgotten all the pain I have gone through in the last twelve hours. I am just filled with love and joy.
They place her on my chest and I just cry. She is so beautiful, it is overwhelming just how much I already love her and she has only just entered the world.
She is so little. Her skin is pink and she is moving her little arms. Her eyes blue and she has a head full of brown hair. She is just perfect in my eyes.
The doctor and nurses take her and clean her off a bit. They weigh, measure and check her over. The nurse puts a diaper on her, puts a little beanie on her head and wraps her in a blanket. Much to my relief she is healthy.
My mum and Libby go and grab a coffee while the doctor checks me over and gives me the all clear.
While they are gone my midwife shows me how to get her to breastfeed and to my relief she latches on first try. It was nerve racking feeding her for the first time but I just used the time to really look at her.
I counted her fingers and studied her face. I don't know if it's just me but I see a lot of Cameron in her. I don't ever want to let her go.
My mother and Libby return to the delivery room. Victor and Maya follow in behind them.
They all meet her and hold her. I don't think there is a dry eye in the room.
"Have you decided on a name?" Maya asks holding her niece.
"Yeah I have. Her name is Felicity Alina Boyce." I tell them.
"Oh that's just beautiful." Libby says admiring her granddaughter.
"Felicity means happiness and Alina means light. As you have all described him, Cameron was sunshine in shoes. He was happiness and light and I want her to be like that. But also now that's Cameron is gone, Felicity is my happiness and light. She is my little piece of him." I explain.
...
It gets late and everyone goes home to let me rest and give me some quiet. I'm just holding Felicity in my arms as she sleeps. I can't take my eyes off of her. She is really mine, I made that. She's really ours, we made that.
Its dark in the room apart from a small, dim light. Cameron walks in smiling, he looks at me and then Felicity. He doesn't say a word just sits on the bed next to me
He takes her little hand and tiny her fingers wrap around his index finger, holding on tightly.
This moment is so precious.
"She is so beautiful." He says.
"We did that." I tell him.
"I knew you could do it." Cameron tells me, looking into my eyes.
"Thank you for being my strength." I say to him.
"You are going to be an amazing mother to our daughter." He says smiling at me.
"Just lay with us for a while longer?" I ask.
"I'll stay as long as you like." Cameron replies.
"I'll love you forever." I say.
"I'll love you forever."
YOU ARE READING
Before I Let You Go (In memory of Cameron Boyce)
Fanfiction"I've been struggling every day since his death to understand why something so random and horrible could have happen... But I do think that Cameron and I were lucky to have found each other. I loved him and I know that he was loved." Layla Grace lo...
