Before I Let You Go (In memory of Cameron Boyce)

Epilogue

Felicity is now six months old. She is so curious about new things and she smiles and laughs a lot. Her personality has been showing through more and more. Not much makes her upset, she is just a happy little girl.

I have adjusted to mum life. Sometimes I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing but she's okay. She is so loved. Everyone spoils her and shows her affection. She loves the attention.

Her eyes changed from blue to brown. She has Cameron's eyes and lips. She is so beautiful.

To be a good mother while my heart was broken was one of the hardest roles I have ever had to play but I'm doing it. My daughter is happy and healthy, that's what matters.

I still miss Cameron. I don't think there will ever come a day where I don't but I've learned to let myself be happy. Being a mother is hard but it is also somehow one of the most amazing experiences.

Felicity is laying on the floor doing tummy time and playing with some of her toys. I'm sitting on the floor with her leaning against the couch.

I love watching her play and discover new things. I love getting to know her. Everyday me and her learn something new about life and each other.

I wish Cameron was still alive to share all of these experiences with me and get to know her like I have. He would have been an amazing father. He was such an incredibly caring person. He would have loved her so much, and I know she would have loved him too.

"Look at our beautiful little girl." Cameron says sitting next to me on the floor, putting his arm around my shoulders.

"I hope she's going to turn out like you." I tell him.

"I want her to be like you." He argues.

"Cam, you were one of the kindest, most talented, humble, passionate and loving people I ever met. If she is even ten percent like you, the world will be so blessed." I say looking at him.

I continue. "Being loved by you was one of the most amazing experiences. I was so lucky to have had the time that I had with you. You showed me that I was worthy of love and and I will always be so grateful for that. You taught me so much about life and even in death you taught me so much."

I look into his eyes and cup his cheek in my hand. "But I have to let you go now. I have to keep living. I'm ready to let you go. I need to be present for our daughter. Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for being my great love. Thank you for giving me our beautiful daughter. I will miss you everyday. I will love you forever. I will never stop loving you."

We kiss deeply and like that, he is gone.