Before I Let You Go (In memory of Cameron Boyce)

Part 19

I've been having Braxton hicks contractions for the last few weeks. My due date was yesterday and I still haven't gone into labour. My mother has flown to LA for the birth. Libby has been over at my house with me trying to help me get labour started, but no amount of spicy food or bouncing on an exercise ball has helped just yet.

I'm ready for her to be out. I'm so ready to be done with the heartburn and a baby break dancing on my bladder in the middle of the night. I also really want to meet my daughter and see her face and get to hold her.

I wish Cameron was here, even just to hold my hand, give me words of comfort and be my rock. As much as I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore, I'm equally if not more terrified of something going wrong during labour.

"Let's all go for a walk around the block to see if that helps." Libby suggests. Its around two o'clock in the afternoon.

"Yeah okay, can someone help me put my shoes on though?" I ask.

My mum puts my shoes on for me and I put a jumper on before we head out. As we walk out the door, I feel a contraction. I stop for a moment and take some deep breaths before continuing.

We walk around the block a few times. I do some lunges to try and help coax this baby out. After half an hour we walk back home.

"This baby really doesn't want to come." My mother says.

"Clearly not." I say. "I'm going to grab a snack, I'm starving." I walk into the kitchen and grab some biscuits out of the pantry.

It gets late and Libby goes back to her house and my mum goes to bed. I get ready for bed too.

Before I walk into my room, I go into the baby's room and have a look at her nursery all set up. I walk over to the crib and look down at where she'll be very soon.

I put my hands over my belly and feel her kick. I start talking to her.

"Hey little one, its your mama here. But you probably already know that. I'd really like it if you came out soon. I'm really excited to meet you for real and there are a lot of people who also want to meet you. I wish your dad was here. I'll tell you all about him as you grow up, I promise. I miss him every day. I love your dad so much. Goodnight little one, hopefully I'll get to see your beautiful little face very soon."

For a moment I close my eyes and I feel Cameron's arms wrap around my pregnant belly from behind me as he rests his head on my shoulder.

"She'll be here soon." He says.

"I'm ready for her but at the same time I am so scared." I tell him, putting my hands over his hands that are resting on my bump.

"You're going to do amazing Layla, I promise." He says loosening his grip as I turn around to face him.

"I love you." I say cupping his cheek in my hand.

"I love you too." He tells me and we kiss.

I leave the nursery, turning the light off on the way out. I walk to my room and get into bed and quickly fall asleep.

...

I am awakened by the urge to pee really bad. I quickly get out of bed and walk towards the bathroom. I feel a really strong contraction come on and I hold onto the door frame for support. I suddenly feel a pop and fluid gushes down my legs and onto the floor.

My water just broke!