Before I Let You Go (In memory of Cameron Boyce)

Part 15

How beautifully fragile we are as human beings. All it takes is one moment for our lives to completely change. In an instant our lives are unrecognisable to us, almost like we've been thrown into a life that isn't meant to be ours. That's how I felt.

This life wasn't meant to be mine, but its the life I have. I have a baby on the way and the man I love has passed. I'm only twenty years old, I'm meant to be out having fun and at college but instead I'm trying to prepare for the arrival of my daughter and grieve for Cameron.

I'm now twenty five weeks. She kicks constantly and I swear she does backflips on my bladder. Everyone has been pressuring me to have a baby shower but I don't want it turning into a pity fest because Cameron is gone.

I've been trying to think of a name for her but so far nothing has stuck or I decide that I hate it the next day. It's gotten out in the media that I'm pregnant. I was trying to keep it quiet. I'm not famous, I never wanted to be but somehow the press knows I'm having Cameron's baby.

It's been a nightmare. I just want to have privacy, Cameron signed up for this life... not me. When Cameron and I got together I told him I didn't want our relationship to become everyone's business, but I knew it probably wouldn't last forever.

I just wanted what was Cameron and I's to just be ours for as long as possible. I didn't want headlines and speculation with every post or public sighting of us. People will make up anything to get attention these days.

I'm nervous for today. Today we're having a fundraising event for the foundation and the press is going to be there. I thought about not going but I helped organise this event and I feel like not going would be like not being there for Cameron.

I get ready for the fundraiser, still feeling nervous as hell. I carpool with Cameron's family to the event. Everyone is buzzing with excitement, except me... I just have a bad feeling. I feel guilty feeling this way but something just doesn't feel right.

We arrive at the venue. There is a huge turnout of people which is amazing for the foundation. From the first moments the press is snapping photos and trying to get interviews. I leave that to the professionals like Dove, China and Karan.

People chat, eat and donate to the foundation. The event was successful and we reached our goal. When I think of all the people we can help with all this money, it  makes me feel proud of what we all have accomplished.

A lot of people have been coming up to me asking about the baby and Cameron and giving me there condolences. I'm sick of it. Stop telling me you're sorry for my loss. Sorry isn't going to bring him back.

"Layla, Layla Grace. Do you mind answering a few questions?" A blonde woman with a microphone runs up to me.

"I-uh... I'm not. I'm not interested." I say trying to turn away.

"Just a few questions. How did you feel when you found out that Cameron had died of a brain tumour?" This bitch has no idea what she is talking about.

"First of all, it was a seizure. Second of all, I said I didn't want to answer your questions." I say and I walk away but she and her camera guy follow me.

"Did you find out you were pregnant before or after he died?" I just ignore her and walk a little faster.

"Is the baby even Cameron's?" Who does this bitch think she is?

"Leave me the fuck alone you vulture. The man I love and the father of my child is dead. This event is about helping people which Cameron was so passionate about. Instead of asking about the foundation and things that actually matter, you are chasing me down -  even though I declined to interview - trying to provoke me and imply that I'm lying about the father of my child. I hope you are ashamed of yourself! You are just a shallow Hollywood bimbo! Now leave me the fuck alone before I call security."

As I turn to walk away, I trip over the carpet and hit the floor.