A new fault amist our stars

Chapter 10

Hey people I know I haven't updated in a little while but I'm back and I wanted to ask you guys would you like a set date that I need to update like every two Sundays or something because feel like I only update when I feel like no one is reading which is really bad on my part so let me know what you think so onward to the story…..

"Your parents knew about Amsterdam didn't they" I ask as we keep driving. "Yeah about that I asked them this morning and they said yes after some persuading so I thought if your parents did then we could celebrate" He says and turns to me grinning.

"And this surprise would be?" I ask even though I know what he's going to say "Well if I told you then it wouldn't be a surprise" he says and I laugh. We keep driving into the direction of the cemetery but then I see something in the distance.

A hospital I'm presuming because its big and you can see all the rooms lit up from where we are. So a hospital is in the direction of the cemetery. Oh the irony. So we keep driving but Augustus pulls into the hospital parking lot and I become confused.

I don't say anything I just follow his lead and get out of the car. He goes to the back and grabs a picnic basket and blanket. He hands me the blanket and begins walking around to the back of the hospital. When I follow I immediately see why he brought me here.

Right in front of me I see a skeleton coming up from the ground. It's amazing. Augustus walks right by it and sets the basket down as I'm setting the blanket up. He sits and I follow. He pulls out a bottle of champagne. "I want to ask about how you acquired a fancy bottle of champagne but I feel like what I'm going to hear is either illegal or just stupid" I say and he laughs before saying "There's a difference?"

Now I laugh as he pours me a glass. "So we are really going to meet him?" I ask Augustus and he just nods. "It's amazing isn't it?" he asks and I turn to him "What getting to meet my idol after god knows how long then yeah I'd say it's pretty amazing" I say.

We sit there in a quite silence neither awkward nor pleasant" Finally Augustus looks at me and raises his glass. I follow in suite and we click glasses as Augustus says "To Amsterdam". After that we lay down on the blanket watching the sun set. All of a sudden Augustus shoots up and looks at me. "Hazel Grace no need to alarm you but your curfew is in 20 minutes and the hospital is 25 minutes away.

"Okay um you get the glasses and I'll get the blanket". We both get up and get everything in the basket and get back to the car in an impressive five minutes. We both get in the car and Augustus speeds down the road. We end up getting back to my house two minutes before my curfew. Augustus now stands at my door step and we are standing in an expected silence.

If my life were a movie then this would be the part where he would kiss me without warning but life's not exactly like that. When I finally look him In the eyes his leans down and kisses my cheek without any thought. Just like in the movies. He then smiles and says "Hazel Grace tonight was wonderful and I can't wait until our next meeting" and with that he walks to the car and drives away.

Leaving me on my front porch wondering what the hell I was feeling. I walk back inside to find my parents in the living room. The both look up and when I come in then back at the TV. The both just seem really tired so I walk to my room and open my laptop.

I look through all of my emails and then finally shut it down. I put on my pjs and walk to my dresser to get an Imperial Affliction. I open to a random page and start to read. I know this part all too well. It's the part where Anna is writing in her journal a thought she had that day. It starts with a

Dear journal or curious reader,

Today I had a rather vigorous thought that would not go away so I decided to write it down so here it goes.

It's like pounding on bullet proof glass. You know It won't shatter, crack or even shift. Yet you keep pounding and pounding waiting to escape the jail of you self conscious and break free from your endless terror. But you can't. You never will. You are stuck behind bulletproof glass and connected to a never ending rope. The only way to shatter the glass is to stop being. To become a casualty. Once you become another side effect there will be a split second where you will see the glass shatter and the rope will be cut but that's all you see. You won't bother to look up at the person who cut the rope or the person that is behind the glass. You only see yourself breaking free and honestly that's all that needs to be seen. It's the only thing you need to see because you already know who's behind the glass. You've always known you've just never wanted to face the realization yourself. You know you were the one that put up the glass. You know you were the one that tied the rope. Why? you ask yourself but you know why. It was to protect you from yourself. To make sure the only blood that would ever be on your hands would be yours. Its because it stains to. You didn't want to be stained with your mistakes so you tied your hands and put up a rope. You deleted yourself into thinking you were going to hurt someone but really you only hurting yourself. You tied yourself up but now you're free. So what happens now you may ask well I couldn't tell you that one, after all I have no idea what oblivion is like.

(AN: I actually did write that for a small essay we had to do for school)

I after I read that page I decided to go to sleep. The only thing is now all I can think about is how we really all are stuck behind glass. How we are all tied to a never ending rope. It is a vigorous thought now that I think about it. It almost eats you alive when you try and think about it. That's when I fall into the depths of sleep. Thinking of how we are all just side effects.