Childish | Jungkook

Chapter 21

I ignored Jungkook and as a result, I ignored everyone else during the bonfire, sitting in the gazebo by myself.

The others were all gathered around the enormous fire in the distance, around a kilometer away. Their excited cheers and vivacious singing were enlivening the desolate expanse under the dreary blanket of clouds.

There were a few others sitting in the other gazebos there like me but I paid them no attention for I was drowning in my own thoughts, replaying the same scene over and over again, and ending up despising myself more.

It seemed as though the sky was mirroring my overcast soul, making me feel a little more at ease and seek comfort in the tenebrous atmosphere.

As I nibbled on my lower lip, my mind clogging up with self destructive thoughts once again, I wondered if I actually deserved this. I had never been affectionate nor intimate with anyone, always putting some form of a distance.

And now... I was letting someone occupy my heart again. It wasn't the same with Jaebum. With him, it was like a comfort room that I could escape from whenever I didn't like it.

But with Jungkook, I was vulnerable. Like diving into the ocean with nothing to pull me back and I was afraid. My feelings were scary. I couldn't dive in blindly.

I liked him for sure... but I couldn't even understand my own self, my mind and heart having an endless battle with each other, leaving me at odds.

Was I holding a grudge against Jungkook for all the tears and pain I felt before? Was I still hung up on my past, afraid to let my heart overtake my conscience again?

The soft sound of my ringtone pulled me back down from the haze of my thoughts, and I answered the call with no delay.

"Hello?"

"Nain," the voice I was dreading to hear sang and I shivered, feeling caught off guard. "How's your little vacation? The air must be nice, right?"

Swallowing, I forced a chuckle. "Yeah... It's... nice... I guess..."

"What's wrong, Nain? Are you okay?" His voice dropped, sounding worried.

No, I don't feel okay...

"Yeah, I'm fine... Jaebum." I couldn't even voice out my thoughts. "We just played a little game and the guys did pretty challenging dares, like Joy. She had to kiss her crush and slap him... Harsh, right?"

There was a slight pause. "Her crush?"

"Yeah, it's Sungjae for now."

Jaebum knew of Joy's short lived crushes since they were best friends, and he would always complain about it, going on and on about how she should drop her 'impractical' belief and learn to start committing.

"That girl," he clicked his tongue before sighing. "I will thank whoever made her do that dare. Was it Yoongs?"

"Yep," I chuckled.

"Knew it."

I hummed, stretching my legs, and looked around my surroundings, not knowing what else to talk about. Talking to him, the easiest thing in this world, was now so difficult.

"Okay... You seem tired, how about I call you in the morning after you've rested?" The sweet gentleness of his voice was both soothing and agitating. Knowing that he cared about me like this was regretfully adding to my guilt.

Was it right of me to be taking advantage of his kindness like this?

"Alright," I whispered, rubbing my face with my free hand. "Until then."

"Rest well, baby. Bye."

With that, the call ended and I took a deep breath to regain myself.

"Nain."

I jumped, screeching horribly, and looked up at freaking Yoongi standing before me with his hand on my shoulder.

"What the fuck, Yoongay?! You almost gave me a heart attack, you shit!"

He broke into chuckles but quickly regained his composure before sitting down beside me.

"Yeah, sorry. I just came here to inform you about the pairs for the test of courage. It's starting now."

Ugh...

I gave him a soulless look. "Okay, who did I get paired with?"

He let out a sigh and I expected the worst.

"Hoseok."

Well, fuck.

"Yeah... Good luck, Nain." He gave me a thumbs up and a gummy smile that almost made me smile.

Almost.

"First, your stupid dare and now, this." I clenched my jaw, shutting my eyes in exasperation. "I'm so close to rage quitting this trip."

"Don't act like you didn't enjoy the dare," he snorted, making me snap my head towards him and throw daggers through my glare.

My pent up frustration made me grab him by the collar and shake him furiously. "We were making up before you fucking went and did that shit, you mint ice cream! I don't like you or your hair!"

"Wait, what's wrong with my hair," he shakily let out. "Come on, Nain, if you're beating yourself up for what happened, remember that it's a game."

"To hell with your game," I yelled before letting him go and grabbing my hair instead. "It only made my situation worse... What were you even thinking? It would make us magically come to terms with our feelings and confess to each other?"

"Frankly, yes," he mumbled.

"Well, it didn't, okay?"

"Oh, woman up and do it right, Nain," he groaned, slumping back. "Make things clear with Jaebum and tell him the truth. You two have been like this, in a 'some' situation for what, almost half a year now and you're still not dating? I sense something. On both of your sides."

My eyebrows crashed together. "On both sides?"

He shrugged. "Just a hunch."

Just then, someone made an announcement with a megaphone, saying, "The test of courage will now begin! Everyone line up at the entrance by your order!"

I didn't notice that it was already so late, darkness already fell upon us and the bonfire was the only thing illuminating the night. The moon and the stars were nowhere to be seen, and the strong breeze was turning the weather into a chilly one.

Yoongi stood up and placed his jacket on my shoulders after noticing me rubbing my arms.

I whispered a thanks before standing up. "So when will Hoseok and I be going?"

"Second to last." He took my hand in his before starting to walk towards where everyone was. "Me and gloomy boy are going first."

"Gloomy boy?"

"Jungkook... He's been quiet since the game... and I feel bad for him."

"Oh," was all I could mutter.

I hope this trip ends soon...

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A/N: Thank you for reading this chapter and please don't forget to vote if you liked it 🌸