I'm Fine | Depressed Jungkook x BTS

Chapter 1

Jungkook's eyes shot open. He was shaking uncontrollably and hot tears were running down his face.

He'd had another one of his nightmares. He had them every night. Every night he would have the same nightmare, that he was kicked out of BTS.

Jungkook had never really thought he was good enough to be in BTS. He knew he was lucky to be there but deep down he knew he probably didn't deserve it. The others were all so talented, and good looking, and then there was him. He'd been insecure ever since he could remember, but as he got older it only got worse. He was diagnosed with anxiety when he was 14, but stopped going to therapy. Since then his mental health got progressively worse, and he eventually started self harming.

Luckily the members of BTS hadn't found out, so far he'd managed to hide it. Jungkook was thankful about this, since the thought of the members finding out and hating him made him want to cry. But the insecurities, they were the things causing his nightmares.

This nightmare was the same as the others. Sometimes they changed slightly, and were of the members finding out about him self harming. But most of them were about Jungkook being kicked out of BTS.

After Jungkook had eventually calmed down, he opened up his phone and scrolled through twitter for a while. He saw a picture of all the members together, with their arms around each other, which made him smile. He saw that the post had a lot of replies, so he looked at them, but instantly wished he hadn't.

Vminluver234: Has Jungkook gained weight?

Succmyjins: Why is Jungkook still part of BTS? Just kick him out already :p

hobiwater828: This picture would look better without Jungkook there tbh 👀

And it went on and on. The replies were filled with nasty comments. Jungkook often read comments like these, but every time he saw one, it hurt him a little bit more. He believed the comments though, he agreed with them. He knew he didn't deserve to be in BTS, he knew he was a waste of space.

Jungkook turned his phone off and walked to the bathroom. He turned the shower on and got in, still insulting himself in his head. It was getting too much. Some days he felt nothing, he was just numb. But other days, days like these, he felt it all. Well, he felt all the pain, all the anger. He rarely, if ever felt happy.

Yet everyone thought he was an adorable happy bunny. Even the members of BTS, who knew him better than his own family. Although, did anyone really know him, the real Jungkook? Sure, he could easily fake a smile and a laugh and the members would believe he was fine, as would the whole world. But did anyone actually know the real Jeon Jeongguk?

No.

Jungkook sighed and got out his blade. It was easier for him to cut in the shower, as the water washes all the blood away for him. He held the blade against his thigh, and made a cut. And another, and another. The water from the shower made the cuts sting, but Jungkook didn't mind, if anything, he wanted it to sting, he deserved the pain.

When he was finished, he stepped out of the shower, and wrapped a towel around himself. He walked out of the bathroom and mentally groaned. It was time to face another day of pretending.