I'm Fine | Depressed Jungkook x BTS

Chapter 3

"I'm fine."

These two words can make people believe you're okay. When in reality you're falling apart inside.

"I'm just tired."

Three words this time. They can stop people worrying about you in an instant, making them believe there's nothing wrong with you, you just didn't sleep very well the night before.

Jungkook knew all too well about this. He used those phrases time and time again.

All it did was make the members more oblivious to the fact Jungkook was broken. And if no one knew how broken he was, how could anyone put the pieces back together?

Most of the time, Jungkook was terrified of the members finding out about what he did to himself. But there were times where a part of him wanted someone to notice. Times where he wished they would cut him some slack. Times where he wanted someone to be there for him and help him through the tough times.

But if he didn't tell anyone about them, if he didn't let them know, how could they help him? How could they help him with something they didn't even know was happening.

Jungkook tried his hardest in dance practice, despite the voice inside him telling him he wasn't good enough. Despite the constant urge to hurt himself. Despite all his unhealthy thoughts and anxieties. And despite not even wanting to have gotten out of bed every morning.

Usually, his hard work payed off. But today, it wasn't working. His body was weak from not eating, and his thoughts were clouding his mind. He was messing up even the easiest of steps. The other members could tell something was up. It wasn't like Jungkook to constantly make mistakes.

Once they'd finished, the members glanced at each other, all worried about Jungkook. Jungkook rushed off to the bathroom, not noticing how the members were worried about him.

Once he got there, he leant against the wall, blinking back tears. He was so disappointed. He knew he hadn't done well.

no wonder the fans hate you.

you're doing terribly.

the others are so much better than you, and they always will be.

you're not good enough.

Jungkook walked into one of the toilet stalls and locked the door. He had a small, emergency blade in one of his jean pockets, and he carefully took it out.

With the thoughts and urges clouding his mind again, he could not think rationally. He just knew he needed instant relief. So Jungkook held the blade against his wrist, not thinking about the fact he'd regret it later, and swiped across his wrist.

He wasn't supposed to do it as many times as he did, but he couldn't stop himself. He just kept dragging the blade across his wrist, and ended up with multiple cuts, some quite deep.

Once he was finished, Jungkook looked at the damage and sighed. He'd have to be extra careful now. Once again his eyes filled with tears, and this time, he didn't blink them away.

After he'd finished cleaning his cuts, Jungkook walked out of the bathroom to meet the other members. As he looked at them he could see the concern on their faces. Not only had he danced badly, he was sure the members would be able to tell he'd been crying.

Maybe not though, he could always pass it off as rubbing his eyes too hard, hopefully. Jungkook looked at the members, who were giving him worried looks. Finally, Namjoon spoke up.

"Jungkookie, what's going on? We can tell something's up." Jungkook internally panicked.

"I'm fine, please don't worry. I'm just really tired today." The members nodded and told him to get some rest when they got home.

Jungkook sighed in relief. It always worked. "I'm fine" "I'm tired". Those four words stopped the members worrying every time. And stopped them from digging any deeper.

But as he got his water bottle and sipped it, he realised that one of the members hadn't said anything to him. So Jungkook slowly turnad round to look at the member. And sure enough, he saw the member staring back at him, worry all over his face.

Kim Taehyung.

He hadn't believed him.

But hadn't Jungkook always known his excuses wouldn't always work?

Even so, seeing Taehyung staring at him like that, it caught him off guard.

They stared at each other for about a minute, before Taehyung started walking over to him. Once he reached Jungkook, he stood facing him.

And quietly,

Ever so quietly.

He said,

"You're not fine."