I'm Fine | Depressed Jungkook x BTS

Chapter 4

Jungkook didn't know what to do. It was the first time someone had said something like this to him. So he stayed silent.

Or, tried to.

But, he couldn't breathe. He was panicking. It felt like the walls were closing in on him. Tears streamed down Jungkook's face as he visibly shook and tried to take deep breaths.

The members looked at him in shock, and rushed to help him. But Jungkook was getting dizzier. And before he knew it,

Everything went black.

When he opened his eyes, he saw the members sitting with him, looking terrified.

"Kookie, what just happened?" Jin asked. Jungkook took a deep breath and said,
"I-it was j-just one of my p-panic attacks"

The members looked confused, and slightly upset. They asked why he hadn't told them. Jungkook ignored them so they gave up with asking, and resolved to find out later that day.

After they got back to the dorm, Jungkook walked to his bedroom without saying anything to the other members. He took his blade out of it's hiding place and quickly went into the bathroom.

Jungkook closed the door, but forgot to lock it. He took his hoodie off and stared at his arms. They were filled with new cuts, and older scars. He knew the members would be disgusted if they ever saw him like this.

He held the blade against his wrist, and slowly dragged it across his skin. He stopped for a moment, why did he have to be like this? Always freaking out, hurting himself and others around him. He hated himself at that moment.

He thought about some things. He was certain his family hated him. He didn't blame them. He rarely ever had time to see them, because he was an idol. But he wasn't even good, or talented.

He was a disappointment.

A disgrace.

Disgusting.

Fat.

Ugly.

Worthless.

Better off dead.

He couldn't stop the thoughts, the voices. He broke down completely, and sank down on the bathroom floor, sobbing. He tried his hardest to be quiet, and took his blade out. It was the only thing that gave him comfort.

He was too scared of disappointing people, or that they'd leave him if they knew about his struggles. But the blade, the blade always stayed with him. It made him feel something other than sadness, pain.

And Jungkook liked pain.

With tears still streaming down his face, Jungkook held the blade against himself again, but this time, on his other wrist. He dragged it across, deeper than usual, and winced.

It hurt, but it was nice.

He carried on, cutting again and again and again. Not caring that he was getting dizzy. Not caring that he was cutting too deep. Not bothering that what he was doing was dangerous.

He just,
Snapped.

Jungkook was concentrating so much on hurting himself, that he wasn't aware Jin had opened the bathroom door without realising Jungkook was there.

He wasn't aware that Jin stood, frozen in fear as he stared at him, in shock. He didn't even hear him scream.

Until a second person ran in, to see if Jin was okay.

And that person ran up to Jungkook and snatched the blade out of his hand. He looked up, and saw Jimin, crying, with Jungkook's blade in his hand.

"What the hell were you thinking, Jungkookie?"

When Jungkook didn't reply, Jimin just put his arms round him, and Jin finally took a hold of himself and unfroze, he went to sit with them.

"Why, Jungkook?"