With Me

Chapter 30 Jordan

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and it wasn't a very thankful one for me. I had an agreement with my brother Jon. And a disagreement with my mom. Ava wants me to talk to mom about it all. Well at the moment we are still at my place. I was awake most of the night still am now. Ava was sleeping snuggled into me. My mind was in overtime all night going over everything. What do I say? What can I say? Is it going to help? Is my mom going to listen this time? There was movement next to me as Ava woke up.

"Are you ready to spill what is going on in your handsome head of yours. I felt you tossing and turning all night".

"No. Sorry couldn't sleep".

" I gathered that" she sleepily replied, "Are we going over so you can talk to your mom today".

"Maybe" I snuggled into her "Maybe I want to stay here".

" Jordan".

"OK, when I was 14 I was kissed by Jon's girlfriend. They were going out for a year and she liked me. Only because I was growing up I was finally losing my chubby cheeks and what she said turning into a handsome taller teenager and she wanted me. We went out for a while. Jon stole my next girlfriend at 16. I got him back for that. When I was 19 that's when the problems really started but I don't want to go into it OK".

" Normal teenager boy stuff then".

"Yes and no. 19 it wasn't".

" What happened because whatever it is blew up big time when Jon found out we were having a family. Since then neither of you are talking to each other only fighting".

"No, I can't".

" We are supposed to be partners. I don't want secrets between us".

"No. The truth will hurt you and damage us. Because of it, I never really had a proper relationship until you, Ava. I won't let it damage ours. Please just leave it in the past".

" But it already has. I feel your mom hates me. Jon hates me. I am stuck in the middle of a family feud".

She gets up to go to the bathroom. I watch her not saying anything just cover myself up in the duvet again. I hear her sigh and walk off. I am asleep once she is back. She gets back in the bed with me.

 I woke up a little later and realise Ava isn't with me. I wonder where she is. I then panic that she has left me. I get up and throw on a pair of sweats. I walk into the kitchen and there were Ava and my mom drinking herbal tea together and talking. They both look up at me when I walk in.

"Ava here wants us to talk".

" What's the point, Mom? You're not going to listen to me. Never have and never will".

"Jordan sit please".

" No, I'll stand thanks".

"Please put on a shirt".

" No, my house my rules".

"Don't be disrespect me, your mother".

" Then act like my mom".

"Only if you stop acting like a child".

" What's the point? you are never going to listen to me. Never have since I was 14".

"When you stop lying?".

" It happened. He stole my girlfriend".

"You slept with his girlfriend who was 18. You were 16".

" Because he stole my girlfriend".

"You started it all this fighting. By kissing his girlfriend when you were 14".

" He kissed me..." I stopped myself and replied with "You know that she kissed me".

"Stop lying. You always wanted the attention always rebelling against everything".

" I never" my voice was cracking now as I getting upset. I was now feeling vulnerable. The tears were building in my eyes "These fading scars on my wrists are from trying to get love from my own mom. I did this when I was 16 when I lost my girlfriend and nobody helped me. I was told it was my fault and that I was lying. I did it again when I was 19 when nobody believed me and I wanted to kill myself. I felt unloved and unwanted. He...". I held out my wrists to show my mom but the scars are now faded you can see marks where the worst ones were.

" Stop lying". 

"It happened". I was shaking and trembling as I stood there feeling vulnerable.

" It never happened. Jon told me it never happened. So drop it".

I bit my tongue before I regretted the next thing that came out of my mouth. I took a nice deep breath in and slowly out staring at my mom.

"We will stay for Christmas but we will stay at my place until Christmas dinner. Then we go back to New York to see Ava's parents. I want Ava to know my family. Tiffany and Joe love her. I know you and Jon dislike her".