Truly-Madly-Deeply Assistant

The one with all the feelings

I was still sitting on the bed, hugging my knees, looking out of the window as thoughts were running around in my mind without stop.

"Hey... you have to unplug," I heard Jared's voice as he caressed my back. "Give this Christmas time to me... to us and only us... please," he asked gently.

"Why... why me, Jared?" I asked still starring outside. "I can't compete with any of those women you were with... not one of them..." I mumbled as tears gathered in my eyes. "You could do so much better than me...That's why the article never even thought of you and me being together. I'm just... so afraid you gonna realize it too late and I'm gonna just... I don't know... just..."

"Don't be silly, please don't start this," he sighed.

"I can't... I can't help it; I don't want you to end up being with me because we were... friends and now you feel sorry for me and..." at this point even I had no idea what I was trying to say.

"Avery, stop!" his voice raised. "Just fucking stop with this bullshit, I don't want to listen anymore!" he shouted grabbing my arm, dragging me to turn towards him.

"Jared it hurts," I whined trying to pull my arm away.

"Well, not as much as it hurts me listening to you!" he still shouted then let my arm as he stood up from the bed running his hand through his hair.

I looked up to him as tears fell from my eyes.

"You know... I...I..." he was struggling to find words. "You know I liked you by my side for years. The more I thought about it, the more I felt how right this could be. How you just... get me, like you are fucking made for me. I was like, fuck, destiny might be real. But now we are together and since then I saw you cry, and stress more than ever before. I didn't... know this... this is just a burden to you," he turned to me outraged. "I'm giving you everything I have here, and you just don't accept it! And then you come back at me how I am closed up; and when I open up then you and your freak mind start coming at me, I don't know what you want me to do here!"

He was angry and desperate, and his words and tone of voice really scared me.

"You didn't tell me about Lily's message..." I mumbled.

"Oh, okay so you saw it. There you go, Lily did message, but I didn't want to tell you because I knew you're going to freak out! Again! Because in your mind you decided that I must be delusional for being with you! But guess what, you are delusional! Yes, I could be with any of those airheads or Hollywood bitches or Lily, who screwed me over once, but I chose YOU. I want to be with you but not like this! If this is how you feel; if you can't trust me then maybe being friends or whatever we were before, would be better... because then you... you were happy," he sighed looking at me shaking his head in tears then looked away biting the inside of his cheek.

I tried so hard not to cry but tears were streaming down my face looking up to him as my breathing got out of control.

"Jared..." I wheezed hugging my knees more. "I'm so sorry..." I mumbled leaning my forehead onto my knees. "I'm just... I had people walk over me, I had guys cheating on me, I had guys bullying me, I ... I just... I'm used to being hurt... I rarely had any men who I liked like me back and they did for that short time because I always tried to give as much as I can, so they have something to appreciate me for...  and you are... I felt nothing like this with them... and I don't know what else to give you what I already hadn't offered. And it's scary to think how big this fall could be..."

He was silent and I didn't dare to look up, but I felt him sitting down onto the bed and his hands pulled my arms away from around my knees.

"Avery," he whispered but I just shook my head, not wanting to look up. "Look at me," he demanded resting his hands on my legs.