Truly-Madly-Deeply Assistant

Flashback - Forever mine

Hey there,

This flashback takes place around the time of the chapter called "Change" from Jared's POV. :D

9 months ago

Driving to the shooting of Rescue me I had to smile in myself as I peered to my right to see Avery looking out of the window lost in thoughts.

I knew she would come back.

She would always come back.

She will always come back to me.

After waking up tangled up on the couch with her and my stupid self getting out of the awkward situation by shouting and blaming every single thing on her she left and by my surprise I haven't heard from her for a whole week.

I felt guilty for shouting with her, for telling her off and for calling Lora right up because I knew she would be in my bed in a second; and that is exactly what I needed after the ridiculous feeling of need that surfaced in me towards Avery that day.

It wasn't like that - I told to myself. I only had that feeling of need because I was a wreck anyway beforehand.

Trying to balance touring, media appearances, photo shooting, commercial shooting and attending to social events got the best of me this spring and when all the lights turned off, the noises faded and people were gone, the characterless hotel room felt like my coffin.

I got to the point where looking into the mirror I saw Jared Leto but nothing else. I didn't see myself; I didn't see a person. I saw this icon. The icon everyone expected to be perfect and flawless.

Avery was the only one who expected me to be... me. And I wasn't... I couldn't. But I really craved for it. To be myself... at least with her.

When she stormed out of my house I thought she will be back the next day as always.

She wasn't... neither the next few days and so I had to face my own life alone.

I had to realize I had a hectic life. I was late from meetings; forgot about e-mails to reply urgently and found it easier to order in take-out every single day. But I didn't want to call her back, whining about how busy I was. And I also didn't know how to call her back.

She needed time.

I knew she only needs time and she will come back because she cares for me and she won't just disappear.

Am I selfish? Yes, I am fucking selfish, but I can't help it; I need her around, and this week just made this fact even more clear.

"And what about you, Jared? You seem tired behind all that hair," my Mom smiled tenderly as she put her fork down to reach for her glass of water, studying my face.

Her, Shannon and me had this dinner planned for some time now, as we couldn't possibly just go for a spontaneous evening out. All had to be planned ahead, thanks for me and my hectic can-do-all attitude.

So here we were right after the last shots of Rescue me.

Seeing my mother after two months was more than calming and was nice to chat away about all the little things.

"Yeah I... think I am over-booked but it's okay," I shrugged picking on my dry salad of lettuce and tomato.

Truth to be told I was exhausted from work, from all the travels and on top of that I hated myself for using Lora who seems like now thinks we ARE a thing, even though I emphasized that we would never be.

"Avery was sick last week; baby Jay here had to keep his shit together all by himself," Shannon stated matter-of-factly, and I shot him a dark look for the mock in his tone.