Peter Parker One Shots

A Little Joke Never Hurt Anyone

Peter had lost his aunt about three and a half months after Toomes was sent to prison. He moved into Stark Tower, Tony being his new guardian. However, he was not actually a Stark, no matter how they act. So, when Peter went on a meeting in Japan with Pepper, which he was so excited about, he was sent this text from his guardian.

The Avengers are officially staying at the tower on house arrest. They found your room and am convinced that you are my son, so I decided to go with it. Your name is Peter Benjamin Stark, and you are Pepper and I's son. She has also been informed. I want to see how long it takes them to figure it out.

He and Pepper returned a few days later, but Pepper immediately had to go on another trip. This left Peter alone with the Avengers until Tony returned from his meeting.

He put in his headphones, knowing three people were in the kitchen due to their heartbeats, and started to jam out to "December, 1963 (Oh, What A Night)". He rocked his head back and forth as he opened the kitchen door, retrieving a water bottle. He turned around to see Clint Barton three inches from his face.

He flinched hard on purpose, trying not to reveal his identity. "Jesus, give a guy some warning." He stepped away from the archer and continued into the couch, texting Ned.

HOLY SHIT DUDE YOU ARE BREATHING THE SAME AOR AS THE BLACK WIDOW HOLY SHIT

Dude, calm down.

But yeah, it's pretty cool.

DO YOU THINK SHE'L STAB ME

What?

SO I CAN GET A SCAR AMD SAY I GOT STABBED BY THE BLACK WIDOW

Ned, you really need to breathe.

"You don't seem all that phased by the Avengers in your direct vicinity. Most people aren't that calm about it." Steam said, a few seats away.

Peter looked up at him and shrugged, looking back to his phone. "My dad said you were gonna be here. If it makes you feel any better my best friend is freaking the fuck out and wants me to ask Ms. Romanoff if she will non-fatally Stan him so he could get a scar and say he got stabbed by the black widow."

Natasha let out a low chuckle. "Your definitely Tony's son." Peter blushes slightly and went back to his phone.

"Well, what do we call you. Your dad never gave us your name." Wanda asked, Vision at her side.

"Oh! My name is-"

He was cut off by the loud ding of the elevator. Rhodey walked into the room. "Hello there, Captain." His eyes were icy. The coldness melted away and were replaced with warmth when he turned to Peter, ruffling the kids hair. "Hey kid. How you doing?"

Peter smiled. "Same as always, Uncle Rhodey. You?"

Rhodey smiled. "Good. Good. Physical therapy just ended and Tony sent me to check on you. He wanted to make sure you didn't kill ol' Capsicle over here."

Sam snorted. "Yeah, that's doubtful."

Peter raised an eyebrow at him. "You wanna bet?" Sam eyes him and just ended up chocking it up to a bluff. He was gonna call him on it.

"Yes. 20$ says Cap can pin you in less then a minute." Peter smirked.

"$500 says I pin him in under a minute." Sam raised an eyebrow. It was very unlikely that this scrawny teen, son of stony or not, would be able to take Cap. "I've been getting lessons on self defense from some great fighters."

"Hold on, I didn't even agree to this!" Steve said from beside Sam.

"Yeah, well you don't get a choice." Sam stuck his hand out and Peter shook it. "Now pin the kid fast, I want my money."

Peter jumped up as soon as they shook hands and began to run down the hallway. Steve, Sam, Rhodey, Bucky, Nat, Clint, Wanda, and Vision all followed him.

When they got there, he was on the mat in a fighting stance. "I call and. Romanoff as the ref. I trust her the most out of all of you."

"Why would that be you hardly know any of us?" Bucky said.

"С уважением, сержант Барнс, но пауки держатся вместе." All due respect, Sergeant Barnes, but spiders stick together. Peter winked at Natasha and she understood. This was the spider kid.

She smiled. "Indeed ребенок паук."

She grabbed a whistle off the wall, and Steve got into position. "Ready? Set. Go!" She blew the whistle.

Steve threw a direct punch at Peter's face. Peter ducked and threw a direct punch at Steve's stomach, knocking the wind out of him. Steve took a second and went to throw another punch at the boy, this time at his jaw. Peter caught it, twisted it, bringing Steve to his knees, kicked him in the crotch, punched him in the face with all the strength he had, shattering Steve's nose, and pinned him. This all happened in about twenty seconds.

"1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10! Stark wins!" Peter got off the groaning Steve and yawned.

"That was fun. You can keep your money, Mr. Falcon. I just wanted to see if you'd take the bet. You should probably get him down to medical. Floor 62, tell them that Junior gave you access to his room. My names Peter by the way."

Peter walked out to door, leaving a confused group of Avengers, a smirking spider, and a groaning captain.

The next day, Tony has a meeting with the "Newvengies" as he was calling them. As Fury was calling them, The New Avengers. He walked in and saw Steve's broken nose and started laughing. "Oh man. He told me he broke your nose. But I didn't believe him." He howled with laughter. Steve glared at the floor.

"Oh." He wipes a fake tear out of his eye. There was a knock at the window. They turned to see Spidey on the outside window. "Just in time. Out newest member, Spider-Man!" Tony said, opening a window.

Steve was about to protest, but then he started taking off the mask. Revealing Peter. "Uh oh." Clint whispered.

"Yeah, Uh sorry. Dad, I said I don't  wanna join the Avengers. This was just where I landed. I'm gonna go do my homework."

Nat smiled. "мне нравится этот" I like this one.

Peter stuck his head back in. It was upside down from the door frame. "Thanks, мама паук!"