s o n d e r ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

h e a v e n l y / c u r s e !

h e a v e n l y / c u r s e !
a beautiful feeling, and a terrible reality

when i close my eyes
and the music fills my bedroom
i think about you

i don't know where you went
but i swear ive been different ever since
i wish
is the only hope that there ever is

oh if only
my lovely thoughts
could exist

i'd heal broken bones
and hold you until forever
because i never imagined there would come a day when i might not wake up in your bedroom

laying in big sweaters and watching old tv shows
eating the same breakfast everyday with you
and feeling so small
staring up at your high walls

i swear there were so many rooms to go in
so much to be
staring at the brittle reflection
and scuffing your floors with my feet

i'd dance
play your piano in the back room
read your books
use your shampoo
but i promised i'd never tell you

you made me so happy
and i was heaven and i didn't even know it
i thought heaven was on her lips
but it was in your basement
sitting in the sauna and dancing to michael jackson

there's my heaven
and of course it's somewhere i cannot be anymore
because you can't either

i wish i could hold you
until forever
i wish we could still be alone together
i miss you
and i wish you would come back to life sometimes

but everything has to end
and i hope you lived a full life
i hope you're happy
because i know i will be
especially when i think of you

c u r s e !

the curse comes later
before i knew why girls shaved their legs at all
after he told me i wasn't pretty
but before anyone else got the chance to convince me
the curse comes later
like a breath of fresh carbon monoxide
it's not sweet but it isn't entirely bitter
it's not the best
but it's something
and i want
i need
to be released
but
the curse comes later
everything is sweet from the first taste
and then you'll grow tired of it
and throw it away
wanting someone else
to rejuvenate your unenthused mind
you really want sweet
but it's only sweet from the first bite
the curse comes later
food poising maybe
but like
the absolute worst kind
like when you die?
yeah, because you just might
and maybe the curse comes later
but she comes first.
literally.