s o n d e r ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

n e f a r i o u s

n e f a r i o u s
/nəˈferēəs/

(typically of an action or activity) wicked or criminal.

i once thought
that bad people
all looked the same

angry
upset
and mean

i cannot describe how i knew as a child
i just was so sure of it
if a girl didn't smile after passing me on a walk i would think
oh
bad people don't do that kind of thing

or say
thank you
when others say
bless you

and they'd never make eye contact
or talk to you
too closed off to want to get to you

but
when my music is loud
and i sneeze
it slips my mind that anyone would say bless you
and sometimes
i feel shy when walking past a pretty person
so i can't smile or say hi

but
i
never thought i was mean
my associations as a kid can't be sure things

i know they're small
petty
weird things

but i
wonder what makes me shy
i wonder if i just
open my mouth
would it change my life?

i did
and now
every time i talk to someone new
and they make me smile
i get butterflies
especially when they're too shy to meet my eyes

i was the same
and now
i want people to know that i want them to have a nice day
or if they have pretty earnings or cool shoes
where they're from or where they're going
where they got their clothes from

and telling someone something so simple as
i like your hair

can change their whole day
maybe they might have a better one
and stop feeling so ordinary and unseen
maybe they'll finally feel like a normal human being
the one that isn't afraid of other human beings?

and says what she pleases
accepting constructive words of correction
but always using kind ones for protection from

bad people

ever since i became a butterfly
i can't tell the difference
sometimes i think everyone can be good
but it is up to the good people
to help the ones falling down in life
the ones who believe that they will only endure pain, suffering, and strife

maybe
we can show them something good inside
and they might understand a butterfly
one that changes despite what they're used to being
even if others might
deny that change
or think
yeah
right

a butterfly?

they'd probably think that would never be true
it's so easy to doubt the ones you dislike too

but
i admire myself
and everyone else
their words and their ways
good and bad
because bad only exists
if bad is surrounded and encased in other bad behaviors and surroundings

so when i laid on the beach last night
surrounded by the moon and silence
i looked for something bad
but i didn't find it
because i was laying alone and happy
alone and happy with yourself is something that means so much more than being surrounded by anyone else

it means you found goodness in yourself
and it's okay to cry with yourself
but know that a lovely soul will never give up on itself
always try
even if it seems pointless
and living seems nefarious compared to dying

live anyway
because opportunity holds more than just what is current
there will always be new changes
chances
and phases of life

and one day you might wake up
and love everything in your life
even the broken and bad things
because you know that surrounding those bad things with your beautiful light
can turn a dying garden into the warmth of life

••••
<3 I'm sleepy