s o n d e r ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

t w i l i g h t

t w i l i g h t
/ˈtwīˌlīt/

noun

the soft glowing light from the sky when the sun is below the horizon, caused by the refraction and scattering of the sun's rays from the atmosphere.

even if the sky is full of light
and the birds sing
and the breeze flows
and the plants mimic spring
and the sight is unreal

it can appear as a perfect day
even if it doesn't feel that way
i wonder why
but
i can't just ask the sky
i'd never receive a reply

so i lay in wonder
like i always do
tired and exhausted
but never falling through

maybe
i have demons that i can't kick
but nobody wants to accept their own
so why can't i believe they still exist?

i think i finally understand this
when i miss
moments in my life
and i wish i could go back and hold them each night
on the days where i
felt more or less appreciative
or kind
i know that i can't go back there
but i am comforted
knowing that somehow
somewhere
those timelines
are forever occurring
and forever intertwined
and they'll happen
happening
happened

and i think
that's why kimi no na wa
is one of my favorite films
two people
lost and found
in the wavelengths of time
both sad
but with completely different upper hands
living amongst different worlds
and different lives

somehow
in someway
they still managed to be happy
even if a new reality never came

the music comforts me
and finally my mind is in peace
nobody said that growing up would be easy
and learning and leaving everything behind would be fine
but i know it can be
that everything will be okay
even if everyone around me changes in some strange way
i will always look at them the same
the remain untouched in my memory
even when
they look at me differently
it's a crazy thing
to have mortality
staring back at me
i laid in fear
crying
afraid that dying was nearing
but it was only a bad dream
but that didn't stop me from fearing the end
so I promised myself
if i would live
i would live each day
like an enduring memory
that someday i will too miss
and wish
to go back to

everytime i turn my music on and close my eyes
a thousand lifetimes appear upon my mind

i call it
kataware doki
i call it
twilight

ding