s o n d e r ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

s o n d e r
noun
(uncountable) (neologism) the profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passed in the street, has a life as complex as one's own, which they are constantly living despite one's personal lack of awareness of it.

each life
more complex than
mine

goes in depth
it has its
broken bits
and its
pieces

but
there is no doubt
that there isn't beauty
in that mold

we all
feel good
for a little while

but i want to be happy all of the time
and even if it hurts
i will try

because these
pieces
reflect me
and everything i touch
everything i am

it is hard to be here
but im still here
because ive tried

and now
i feel
alright

but i didn't need
any particular thing
to feel this way

i just grew tired
of mourning the loss
of something that i never had

just because i want to be happy
doesn't mean that it will always happen
but i won't let myself break like i used to
because my sadness will always be a lingering part of me

but that's just what makes me
me
and i'm fine with that
because though i make mistakes
i can only ever be me

and this smile
took years
to deem believable

ive been through hell and you know it
but just because i'm happier now
doesn't mean ill never show it

i'm not different
i just want to be happy
and everyone should want that
human is human
and i'm willing to each

that is the person ive always been
but when
the world tells you how to hate everything you are
it's difficult to take charge
and blossom completely

the garden is still here
living and breathing
i am still me.

and i'm not ashamed
i'm just happy.

i'm unafraid of memories
even if they are hurtful
i know that i will be okay
even on the darkest day

no more 6:19
no more pain
purging
is okay

and it's normal to feel sad or emotional
but i am
human

and i can't help this
happy
is never just happy
but i am trying very hard to be
because i've spent more days crying over spilled milk than living
i spent whole days in the bed
under the hot shower
or staring at the pill cabinet

like bartleby the scrivener
i would prefer not to
be sad
because in a life where you don't get moments twice over
and we all die unexpectedly
and tragically

i won't regret my existence
i'll live happily
the universe has got my back
and people care for me
i'm loved and i love me too
even if i have my bad moments
i am the only person i can be

human is human
and i am willing to each.