A couple of weeks later, we're sat in the Common Room, having managed to get a couple of chairs near the fire. Most people are out in the grounds playing in the snow.
We've both started to talk a little about what happened, and it helps. It helps that, in the middle of the night, neither of us are unsure of what to do when we have a nightmare. We both know that the other doesn't mind being woken up if we need help. And that is a mercy.
"Albus."
His voice is quiet, nervous, and I sit up, looking concernedly at him. It's no longer unusual for either of us to be nervous, because this entire event seems to have taken more of a toll than Delphi did. Maybe it's because we were separated this time. Maybe it's because Scorpius still isn't able to talk about what that woman did to him. Maybe it's because I feel responsible for what happened.
Maybe it's because neither of us know how to cope with any of it.
"Albus?"
"Yeah," I jump slightly. "Yes, sorry. You okay?"
"It's quiet," Scorpius mumbles. "So, I was wondering – I had a question – it's okay if you don't want to – I just..."
"Ask away," I try to smile.
"When I passed out..."
Shit.
"...when they were – doing that..."
Shit. Shit. Shit.
"...what did you shout?"
Oh. Fuck.
"I didn't shout anything important–"
I cut off my pre-emptive rambling, mentally preparing myself. I love him. He deserves to know. If it means that I have to be brave, then I'm going to be brave.
"No. No. Sorry. I did shout something."
I sit up properly, taking a deep breath. This is it. This is either a new (clichéd) beginning. Or this is the end of our friendship. If it is, then Merlin help me. I can barely breathe without him.
"When I've – explained – everything," I say quietly, "I understand if you don't want anything to do with me."
"Have you killed someone?" Scorpius tries to smile.
"Effectively."
There's a moment as that settles over us, and then I shake myself, breathing again.
"Sorry. Anyway. Yeah. I understand.
"The thing I shouted, the argument I had with my dad, probably some other shit too; it was always for the same reason. Or similar ones anyway. I – I care about you. I really, really care about you and...oh fuck, I'm sorry. I'm bad at explaining – y'know – stuff..."
Deep breath.
State the facts.
"I shouted – I shouted, 'I love you.'"
Deep breaths.
"The argument – I told dad that I'm gay. He didn't agree."
Fuck.
"You're gay?" Scorpius says quietly.
"Yeah," I nod bitterly. "Yeah. I'm sorry."
"You're gay and you like me?"
"Yeah."
"Okay," Scorpius nods. "Okay."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Scorpius looks at me, smiling gently. "It's okay."
"You're okay with it?"
"Of course I am."
"And I understand if you don't want to be my friend–"
"Albus, for Merlin's sake. You are so dramatic."
"You still want to be my friend?"
Shit, I sound so childish.
"Of course I do," Scorpius smiles at me. "I couldn't function without you. You know that."
"Yeah," I smile back. "And I'm sorry if this makes it a bit awkward."
"How long have you known?"
"Since May," I mumble, suddenly quiet. "I only – came to terms – with it...November..."
Scorpius stands up and I feel my stomach sink, until he stands in front of me, pulling me into a tight hug. And then I find myself laughing. We're both laughing together. And everything's okay.
"You're my best friend, Albus," Scorpius murmurs, "and I will always care about you. No matter what happens."
"Thank you," I start to cry. "Thank you so much."
The tears come. And then they don't stop. I can't stop them. But it's okay. It's okay because he cares about me, he still cares about me, even though I've failed him too many times, even though I've managed to fall in love with him. Even though I'm beyond a mess, at this point.
He still cares.
He still wants me in his life.
"Who knows?" Scorpius asks quietly.
"Mum and dad," I mumble. "Tom Anderson. Hermione. Lily and James, probably. And your dad."
"Okay," Scorpius nods, processing this. "Dad knows?"
"My dad doesn't respect my privacy, apparently. It's fine. He talked to me. It's fine."
Scorpius nods, smiling at me, and I smile back. That may have been one of the hardest things I've ever done, but it's paid off. He doesn't hate me.
Holy shit.
He doesn't hate me.
YOU ARE READING
Working Through the Rest
Fanfiction*trigger warning for basically this whole story* After they returned from time, Albus had assumed that everything would work as it always did. Maybe with a little bit of change. That little bit of change was one of the biggest things Albus had ever...
