Working Through the Rest

Effects Of A Decision

I slam my bedroom door shut once I've given up trying to clean the makeup off my face. My homework is still spread out on my bed and I walk towards it, beginning to put it away. Screw this. This can wait. This can wait until I am mentally ready to put some effort into it. I have a week left. I have time. Probably. And it doesn't matter if I don't.

After I've put everything away, I collapse onto my bed, burying my face in the pillow and groaning. One week. One more week of this shit, and then I can just concentrate on OWLs. And once they're done, I can devote some energy to finding somewhere to stay over summer. I can't face six weeks here.

Saying that, I'm not sure I can face another week here. My trunk is packed. I could leave now. I could get out of this shit. But I shouldn't. I shouldn't just abandon Lily and James when he's angry. I shouldn't run away from my problems.

There's a knock at the door and I groan again, about to tell them to piss off, when it opens and Lily is stood in my room. I sit up and she offers me a smile. I smile back pathetically, sighing.
"Thank you for earlier," I say quietly. "It was fun. I'm sorry he turned up."
"It's not your fault," Lily shrugs, walking towards my record player. "Can I put something on?"
"Go ahead. Did you want to talk about something?"

She nods as she presses play and one of Scorpius' favourite songs, something he referred to as 'a Disney classic', starts playing. I don't know what he meant by that, but I smile at it, wrapping an arm around Lily as she sits beside me.
"I brought the book," she passes it to me.
"Thank you," I take it, putting it on top of my trunk.
"Are you going to leave?" she asks quietly. "Are you going to stay with – them?"
"I thought about it," I admit. "I don't want to abandon you."
"You're not. He's not angry with me. Not really. He's angry with you."
"He's not angry with you?"
"He had a go at me," Lily shrugs. "He got pretty pissed off, gave me a lecture on some shit. But I don't care."
"You think I should go."
"I wouldn't blame you if you did. Do you want to?"

I pause for a moment, thinking it through. If I had a free decision, if I could make it my choice, I would go. I'd like to see Scorpius, and I need to get out of here. At least for a bit.
"I do want to," I nod. "But I shouldn't. I shouldn't just run away from all my problems."
"You're not. You're putting one of your problems on hold. You've got so much going on. You shouldn't have to deal with this shit too."

I nod, biting my lip. I want to say she's right. I know that leaving would be better. If I stay, I'm not doing myself any favours. My schoolwork will slip more; I probably won't speak to another living soul for a week; I won't eat. And I'll be angry. A lot.

But if I leave, things might ease a little. Dad's anger might pass. I'll get more work done. And I'd get to see Scorpius. I'd get to spend time with him.
"I don't know," I mutter. "I just...I don't want to intrude either."
"You won't be," Lily insists. "When Draco Malfoy makes an offer, that's something you can trust."
"Yeah," I nod. "Yeah. Okay."
"You're going?"
"Yes."

Lily smiles, crouching down to pull my trunk open properly. We start to pack the rest of what is left on my bedroom floor, and by the time we're done, I'm almost dancing around the room to the music. Lily pulls me into a hug and I trip back, laughing as we land on the floor.
"You're still a lion cub," I whisper, smiling.
"Of course I am," Lily grins. "Now please, big bear, promise me that you'll leave a note."
"I will," I nod, sitting up. "I don't want to scare mum or James. This isn't their fault."

We sit there for a bit, and then I grab some parchment and we start writing a note. It's mainly just an apology to mum, because I do feel awful for leaving her when it isn't her fault. And then the rest of it is insistence that I'm somewhere safe, though where exactly is unspecified.

And after that is done, we sit and talk for a long time, until she has to say goodnight. And when she goes, I start to pace. Not because I'm nervous. Instead because, now that I've turned the music off, I can hear mum and dad downstairs. They are both incredibly icy when they speak loudly enough for me to catch their words, and I do my best to block it out.

A few more hours. Just a few more hours.