Working Through the Rest

Black And White Parchment

"Are you okay?" Scorpius asks as we flop down in the grass. "You look really tense."
"I'm fine," I say quietly, glancing up at the sky. "Bit nervous about something."
"May I ask what you have to be nervous about?"
"This."
"This? We've done this a hundred times."
"I bought you a present," I explain. "I'm a bit nervous about giving to you."
"I'm sure I'll love it," Scorpius smiles, pecking my cheek softly.

I nod, reaching into my pocket for the little box I arranged for Teddy to send to me. I bought the present from Hogsmeade which, for obvious reasons, I have very little interest in actually visiting, especially not by myself.
"I did a bit of research," I explain, "and a lot of people who are asexual and aromantic, because there aren't a lot of people, some of them wear these rings. And I understand if you don't like them. I just thought it might be a nice end of term gift."
"I'm sure I'll love them," Scorpius smiles again. "Thank you."

I pass him the box, smiling as he starts to unwrap it slowly. The sick feeling in my stomach is starting to disappear, and when his face breaks into a wide smile, it's gone entirely. He pulls out the two rings, smiling wider.
"They're beautiful," he murmurs. "Thank you."
"Apparently, the black one goes on your right-middle finger, and the white one goes on your left-middle finger, but you could wear them however you wanted to. If you wanted to."
"Of course I want to wear them," Scorpius slides them onto his fingers. "Thank you so much."

I wrap my arms around him and we lie back, smiling at the sky. It's blue and clear, and the day isn't too hot. It's nice. It's peaceful.

And, for a few minutes, the world is good. We've survived fifth year. We're going to have a brilliant summer. And when we come back in September, we'll enter the next stage of our lives and keep moving forward together.

I sit up a little as footsteps shake through the ground, announcing James' hurried arrival. I smile at him and he smiled back a little. He glances down at the thing he's holding, almost as if he's nervous.
"I got this," he says quietly. "It's a letter from dad."
"No," I say sharply. "No. I'm not coming home for summer."
"It's not like that."
"It's always like that."
"Just – just read it," James offers it to me. "The letter he sent me is on top."
"Why didn't he just write to me?"

But I already know the answer to that. In his eyes, I wouldn't have read it. I'm surly and unreasonable and rash. But I would have read it. I said that I would be reasonable. And I'll hold myself to that.
"Thanks," I say.
"You're welcome," he stands. "See you later."

I glance at Scorpius and he smiles encouragingly. And with that, I unfold the first letter.

Dear James,

I hope you're well after your NEWTs, and have enjoyed your last few weeks at Hogwarts. I know you're still angry with me about my behaviour at Easter, and other points, but I hope you will read this and allow me to rectify my months of mistakes.

There is a letter enclosed that I'd like Albus to read. Please make sure he knows that the choice I've given him is very much a choice, and I do not want him to feel pressured in any way. You know as well as I do that he feels things very deeply, and I do not wish to anger him. I've done that too much.

I'm really looking forward to seeing you and Lily in a few days. In the meantime, thank you, and I love you.

Lots of love,

Dad

I finish reading and put the letter on the ground, picking up the sealed one. The one addressed to me. Despite everything that has happened, I can't help but hope that this will be a good thing. A good chapter of a story.

Another glance at Scorpius. Another deep breath. Another moment waiting. And then I start to read.

Dear Albus,

There are a hundred ways that I want to begin this letter. However, I know that the most important thing, and the thing you want most, is an apology, so I'll start there.

I am so incredibly sorry that I could not see what was most important. I have a habit of sheer arrogance, and the fact that I could not see that you're happy and that is what matters, is, on my part, beyond appalling. You know your mind and my refusal to see that has hurt you. I am sorry for this. I am so sorry for all of it.

I will understand your decision if you still do not wish to see me, but if you would consider it, I would love to see you and just talk. I am not asking you to come home for summer unless that is what you want, but perhaps we could meet for coffee or something. It's your decision.

I have found myself missing our time together before I ruined it, and I hope we can begin to rebuild again, what we were rebuilding. I will do beyond my best to listen and accept you for who you are, and I know you'll do the same, because you are kind and welcoming and understanding.

I understand if you do not want to rebuild – I've hurt you too many times to be truly forgiven – but I will, if you want to.

I love you, Albus. I hope you know that. I have a bad way of showing it a lot of the time. But I would do anything for you if it meant you felt safe and happy. I am sorry that I behaved this poorly for so long.

Lots of love,

Dad

I have to blink back tears when I finish reading, and Scorpius looks at me, confused. I shake my head, smiling widely.
"It's – it's an apology," I whisper. "He wants to talk. Just – talk. If I'm okay to."
"Are you?"
"Yes," I nod. "It's – this is the only thing I wanted."

It is. An apology. The knowledge that it is okay to be who I am around him. It's all I wanted. And he has given it to me. He has accepted me for who I am.

Yes, it's taken a long time. Yes, it's hurt more than I'd ever imagined it would. But it's come. And we can heal. We can heal and talk and rebuild and find a much better world. Because he's willing to listen and I am eternally grateful.

"Can we go back to the castle?" I ask. "I want to write back."