Working Through the Rest

Honest Man

After the date, we eat together (like always) and we end up falling asleep in the Common Room, curled up together. People don't say much and I hope that it's because we're close enough to not be considered strange for doing this. However, part of me thinks that most people could have seen this coming. It would explain the lack of stares.

Whatever we have doesn't transform into a defined relationship overnight, not that I expected or even wanted it to. It's just little things. Holding hands at dinner. Little cheek kisses when we're alone. And hugs – a glorious number of hugs. Not enough to notify the world of a possible relationship, but enough to know that this matters.

One night, about a week and a half after the date, we're sat in the dormitory, alone. Scorpius is lying on his bed and I've curled up beside him, wrapping my arms around him and smiling. He smiles back before looking upwards again.
"Are we a couple?" he asks quietly.
"Would you like to be?"
"I don't know. 'Couple' implies it's romantic. And – well..."
"Scorp?"

He sits up slowly, biting his lip, and I sit up so I'm facing him. He smiles nervously and I smile back, trying to reassure him that, whatever he wants to say, I will hear, and I will understand.
"I do love you," he says quietly. "You are the most important person in my life. It's just – this – how I feel – I don't know what it is."
"It's okay," I murmur. "If you don't want to be a couple or together, it's okay. It's your decision."
"No," Scorpius says. "No, I'd like to be – with you – if you're okay with it. I just – whatever is going on in my head – I know it isn't romantic."
"Okay," I nod. "Do you – would you like some help working it out?"
"That's the thing, Albus," Scorpius' eyes start to swim with tears, "I've tried. I've researched and thought and tried so hard and I can't find an explanation. Albus, what if there's something wrong with me?"
"No," I say sharply, reaching up to wipe his tears away. "No, there is nothing wrong with you."
"I can't find anything."
"Then we keep looking. You hear me? We keep looking."

Scorpius nods, leaning towards me. I pull him into a tight hug and we fall back onto the bed, holding onto each other. He buries his face in my shoulder, and I rub circles into his back, waiting for his breathing to steady.

After a while, it does, and I smile as he sits up, smiling back at me. His smile is something that could light a thousand fires, bright enough to illuminate the world for all time. And it's so rare that I cannot help but just watch him until it starts to fade slowly.

He stands up, and I do the same, smiling as he takes my hand nervously. I squeeze his hand, let him know that it's okay, that we'll work it out, and he smiles gratefully.

I hope he knows. I hope he knows that I would go beyond the end of the earth to make him happy, to make sure no one hurts him. Because I love him. Because he is the most important person in my existence and he doesn't deserve to be screwed over by shit in his head.
"So," he says slowly. "Do you have any idea where to start? Because I don't anymore."
"No," I say. "But I can find out."
"Thank you. Thank you so much."
"Hey," I squeeze his hand. "I love you. Of course I'm going to help you."

He smiles again.