The Suicide Effect | ✓

twenty-six

I wonder if I will ever stop hurting. I wonder if this burn will ever leave.

I wonder if it will kill me eventually.

I am constantly haunted by the idea of Becks jumping off her roof - by the image of her broken body lying sprawled across the ground. Sometimes I go to sleep at night feeling perfectly fine and wake up soon after, gasping for breath. Because in my mind it replays: slow motion captures her screaming and her snapping into the mangled pieces of her body that were retrieved that fateful morning.

This is what I told the therapist today. He looked at me with pitiful eyes and said that it was okay to feel like that; that it was okay to hurt.

I told him that he was wrong because I would never be okay again.

It was obvious that he didn't understand.