Nanny Diaries

Chapter 31 - The Wonder

Shelby's room in the hotel in which her wedding would be taking place in less than two hours was buzzing with her bridal party. I was sitting in the corner, watching her friends from college and coworkers fawn over her. I wanted to take my rightful place as her best friend at her side, but my selfish pain was keeping me tethered to the chair on which I sat, a non-alcoholic seltzer in hand. 

"Okay, okay, so you have to tell me," Analiese, one of her bridesmaids, was asking Shelby. "How good in bed is John?" The group erupted in laughter, ignoring the tinge of pink spreading over the bride's cheeks. They were all a little bit tipsy and it was obvious. 

"Oh, stop it Ana."

"Come on, Shel, I'm just joking! Unless you want to tell me," she added with a smirk. I noted the glimmer in Ana's eyes and felt that I needed to come to Shelby's aid. 

"So, Shelby," I said. "What are you most excited for about married life?"

She shot me a grateful glance. I felt a twinge in my stomach; what she would say would likely make me feel even worse about how I left things with Zack. His painful expression flashed in my mind before I shook it out. "I just can't wait to start our  lives. I mean, we've been together since we were in college and of course, we grew up and are financially responsible for ourselves and the most adult thing of all, student debts," she quipped. "But what comes next is not only a matter of Shelby and John, two individuals. It's ShelbyandJohn. We're merging our lives and we get to decide what will be in it."

I was right to fear the strength of my beaten heart, for it pattered irregularly against my ribcage. For the first time, I realized how rarely I acted as a fully formed adult. And here was my best friend, who I had seen dancing on tables in the prime of her youth, and she was ready to take on all life's responsibilities with her partner in crime and domesticity. 

The room went up into a chorus of gushes over Shelby's response. "You and John will be so great." 

"Thanks Lauren," Shelby smiled over at me. "Hey guys, could you all run down and get us a new bottle of wine? I think we finished the last one." Her three other bridesmaids stood up from their circle and swished from the room in our matching dresses. A momentary flash of jealousy passed through me that I was the only one with a round addition, and the only single one. 

Shelby stood up once the door shut behind them and gathered her train in her hands. Once she was seated next to me and brushed my hair over my shoulder, I dared to look up. "Hi."

"Hey. Something on your mind?"

I nodded. "Always. But it's your wedding day. All about you, not me."

She rolled her eyes. "Please. You know me. I always want to hear what's on your mind. There're only so many drunken sexual inquiries I can take before I need a dose of realism from my best friend. So for the love of God, spill your guts."

I took a deep breath in. "I broke up with Zack the other day," I paused for a moment. "He asked me to marry him. And I said no. It came out of nowhere! He just got down on one knee at the beach and pulled out this--this beautiful ring that has no business on my finger. He gave me this big speech about being a better man because of me and that if I let him he would be the happiest person in the world, and I could only stand there looking at him." I shook my head, because I could hardly believe the words I was saying were true. "And then I was yelling, and he was yelling, and I left." 

Shelby's eyes were full of the pain I was sure was reflected in mine. I was ashamed of my behavior and relieved to have gotten it off my chest. I just wished getting it off my chest erased it. She gripped my right hand tightly, as if she worried that I would float away if she didn't ground me in the hotel room.