Nanny Diaries

Chapter 29 - The Last Goodbye

I lean close to the mirror, trying to keep my hand steady as I pencil in my eyeliner from the outside in. Otherwise, you can get wrinkles. I swallow over the lump of drywall that’s reappeared in my throat, blocking my airway and creating an explosion of nerves in my chest. 

I step back from the mirror, surveying my entire outfit. A fitted, black maxi dress touches down to the tops of my feet, grazing my ankles. I have a leather jacket that ends about my waistline, since the cold has increased. In late January, the snow continues to fall. 

A knock brings my attention from my finished look to the door. 

Zack leans against the doorframe, looking effortlessly gorgeous and handsome, yet classy and serious at the same time. His hair stands in tufts, but doesn’t look like bed head. I try to scrape my jaw off the ground, though I can’t help but drool a bit over my yummy boyfriend. And my hormones are a little crazy right now. 

“Ready?” he asks, his hands finding their way into his pockets. He looks so nonchalant as he stands there, but the concern in his eyes gives away that he’s worried for me. 

That he’s afraid I’ll break into a million pieces. 

Or go back into psychosis. 

Which I won’t. 

But that doesn’t mean that I am not entitled to any emotion on this day. 

This horrible day. 

But...

I’ll make it through. 

I hope. 

.  .  .

The limo cruises through the streets of New York City, on its course for the proper destination. 

And that destination would be... 

Matt’s memorial service. 

I stare out the window, my heart beating in my throat. Zack threads his fingers through mine and I glance over at him gratefully, letting myself open the doors in my face and heart, the fear and grief cracking and shining out into the dim light in the backseat of the limo. 

Tears prick the back of my eyes, and my nose burns slightly, but I blink furiously, trying to disperse the breakdown. I have to be strong today. 

I feel the car slow and stop, rumbling under my feet but unmoving. I strain my neck to try and see where we stopped, but it seems the tinted windows work both ways and all I can make out is a building. It’ll take longer than that to get to the cemetery. Where are we?