Heartless

17

"Cora." I heard from downstairs. I had been hiding in my closet for hours. Shaking. "CORA." I heard with a much more aggressive tone, causing droplets of water to fall on my knees. The door slammed open, causing light to flood in. "What the fuck is wrong with you!" My mother said and yanked me out of the closet. She smacked me. That was the second time she had done it in a week. "Please stop" I said timidly as she dragged me down the stairs. She grabbed a belt and beat me senseless. I was 10 years old.

The memory played vividly in my head as I laid in silence. I should have let Colby stay, his warmth would feel comforting. I slid out of bed and found the hoodie he gave me from the night I met him. It still smelled like him. I hugged myself trying to fall asleep. It was already 4:30am so there was really no point anyways. I got up and made myself a cup of tea. My phone buzzed lightly next to me as I sat at the dining room table.
Colby: I hope you're asleep but if not, I just wanted you to know I care about you a lot ❤️ and I had so much fun yesterday.
A smile crept on my face. I truly didn't deserve him. I would reply later in the morning, I knew he would worry if I replied now. He would probably assume a nightmare woke me up, but you have to sleep to get nightmares.
Colby: also there's a party at my house tomorrow night, I want you to be there.
Parties freaked me out. Especially after what happened the last time, my heart immediately started beating faster. Calm down calm down it's just a party. Colby will be there and you will have fun. I reminded myself and slowly sipped my tea. The sun rose before I knew it and I got ready for work. I texted Colby on my way out,
I care a lot about you too 🥰 I'll be there.

As I clocked in I was immediately rushed by Kat, "Tell me what happened!!" I laughed as I tried to start preparing for the shift. "It was nice" I said as I felt my cheeks get hot. "You're blushing!" She yelled pointing at my face. I took a long breath, "we got sushi, then went to a fair, then explored a building and watched the stars, then he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes." Kat's jaw dropped, "oh my GOD!" She hugged me excitedly. "That's so CUTE. Does that mean you're coming to the party tonight?" I bit my lip, "Yeah I guess it does" she was beaming, "I have to get some stuff done though before I go, so I'm gonna be a little late." I said and she frowned. "I'll be there by 9 though don't worry." I didn't know when I would actually show up but 9 seemed like a good time.

The rest of our shift flew by, it was already 6pm. I checked my phone as I got in my car,
Colby: The party is at 7, I'll have a drink ready for you when you get here 🖤.
I smiled, and responded
I have some stuff I have to get done first but I'll be there around 9 🖤.
As I drove home I could feel my chest tightening. I pushed back tears as I pulled into the lot. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. I went in walked straight to my closet. This was the worst part of my day. I tried on outfit after outfit and they all seemed wrong. I saw the dress I had worn to the last party and shuddered at it, throwing it to the bottom of my closet. I felt tears fall down my cheeks as frustration boiled within me. Why couldn't I be normal. Why do I do this to myself.

Eventually I decided on a pair of ripped skinny jeans and a white crop top. It was simple enough to where I wouldn't stand out. The clock read 7pm, causing me to take a deep breath as I sat at my laptop and responded to some emails. I paid my bills as I heard my phone buzz.
Colby: okay get here when you can!
It was already 8 so I got ready and was on my way, my stomach was in knots the entire drive.

As I pulled up to house I took a deep breath. You can do this, you've done it before you can do it again. I nodded to myself and got out the car. You could hear the bass from the music in the street. I could already see how crowded it was but all I could think about was Colby's arms holding me tight. I opened the door and was immediately overwhelmed, there were at least 100 people here. I pushed through the crowd trying to spot anyone I would know. I searched for a good ten minutes until I finally found Corey, "Corey!" I yelled over the music tapping his shoulder. "Oh hey Cora!!" He yelled and gave me a quick hug, "have you seen Colby?!" I said and he shrugged, "last time I saw him he was out back! But it was a while ago so he might have moved!" He yelled and then took a sip of his drink. "Okay thanks!" I said and started for the back doors.

Everyone was pushing and dancing, causing my heart to beat faster. It was way better once I got outside, I could finally breathe. I looked around for Colby, it didn't look like he was out here but I did see Sam and Kat sitting by the pool, I walked over and they both turned to me with big smiles, "Cora!" Kat said and hugged me, she was already pretty tipsy. "Hey have you seen Colby?" I said looking around a little more. "He's in the garage! Go get your maaaaaan" She slurred and pointed the way. I followed where she said to go and walked in the garage, through the crowd of people I spotted a pair of blue eyes staring at me. "Hi baby" He said and kissed me. He seemed a little tipsy also, "I'm glad you came. You look gorgeous" he said and fanned himself dramatically. I playfully hit him as he snaked his arm around my waist. "I want to show you off." He said softly in my ear and walked me inside.