Heartless

83

"Are you ready to go?" Colby said as he slipped his leather jacket on. "As ready as I'll ever be." I said quietly as he grabbed my hand. Today was our first doctors appointment and I had to be honest I was a little nervous. I had drank a couple times in the past few weeks and the idea that I was pregnant during those times was stressing me out. "Relax baby, it will be okay." Colby said as we walked down the stairs. "I know, I guess I'm just nervous. I wonder how far along I am." I said as we walked to the car, "bye guys! We'll be back!" Colby yelled before closing the door. "I don't know but I'm excited to see the little guy, even though it's gonna be super small." He said causing my heart to flutter.

He opened my car door and I got in, I couldn't help but play with my fingernails nervously as he walked around the car and got in the drivers side. "Hey," he said quietly as he closed the door, "please tell me what's on your mind." He said and grabbed my hand, pulling it away so I would stop picking. "I..I just..I was drinking and I could have been pregnant while I was doing it..I'm already a bad mother. I already fucked up Colby." I said feeling my lip quiver. "No. You didn't know Cora! You didn't know you were pregnant. We are going to go to the doctors and they will tell you if it effected anything but baby I don't think it did. People go full term without knowing they are pregnant. Please don't beat yourself up over this." He spoke calmly causing the tension in my chest to lighten up slightly. "I'm sorry." I whispered, "hey, don't apologize. It just hurts me to see you beat yourself up like that." I nodded, "I know I'm trying to not do that, it's just hard." I said as he finally started the car. "I know it is, but I told you, we are in this together." He said as he laced his fingers in mine.

The drive to the doctors office was silent but comfortable. Colby held my hand the entire way, rubbing it gently with his thumb which kept me pretty calm. When we got there we had to fill out new patient paperwork which was tedious to say the least. When they called my name we went back, Colby's hand firmly in my own, "babe." He said causing me to turn and look at him, "you're cutting off my circulation." He said and chuckled, looking down at our hands, "oh! I'm sorry." I said and stopped squeezing, "it's okay, you're gonna be okay." He said as we made it to our room. "The doctor should be in shortly." The nurse said after asking us some basic questions. "I can't believe we are doing this right now." I said and ruffled my hair with my hand, "I know, we are going to be parents." he said and let out a breath, "we are so not ready for it." I said and looked down, "no, but we will be when the time comes. We will do whatever it takes." He said and placed his hand on mine. "Whatever it takes." I repeated quietly as the doctor came in.

"Hi Cora, my name is Dr. Stone, but since we are going to get to see eachother a lot in the next couple months you can just call me Claire, how are you feeling?" Claire said and sat in front of me, on her stool. "I'm okay, just nervous." I said and she smiled sweetly, looking between Colby and I, "I assume you're the father?" She said and pulled her clipboard out. "I am. My name is Colby." He said and squeezed my hand gently, "it's nice to meet you, okay so Cora I'm gonna have you change into these, Colby and I will step out for just a moment to let you change." She said and opened the door, "I'll be right outside okay?" Colby said and stood up, kissing my head before he walked out of the room. "I'll be out in a second." Claire said to Colby and closed the door again, "Cora, I have to ask this when he's not in the room, do you feel safe in your relationship?" I scrunched my eyebrows at the question, "absolutely." I said in confusion, she wrote something on the clipboard, "has your spouse/partner ever hit you?" She said and looked up from the board, "no, he's never laid a hand on me, why are you asking these things?" I said as my anxiety rose slightly, "it's just part of my job honey, I don't think Colby would do that to you, even from only seeing him interact with you for 5 minutes. We ask these questions for woman who are stuck in a bad situation, it's more common than you think, so even though I believe you, are you telling the truth?" She said and I nodded, "I'm telling the truth." I was glad for other woman that they asked these questions because it probably saved a lot of lives, but it was making my anxiety creep up just a little. "Okay, I'm gonna send Colby back in, I'll give you a couple minutes to change though." She said sweetly, then left the room.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, then changed into the gown she had left for me. I sat there alone, shivering for a minute before the door opened again, Colby came into view, causing a small smile to form on my lips. "Hey baby." He said quietly and sat next to me again. "Hi." I said quietly as he reached for my hand again, "you okay?" He said as I quickly laced my fingers in his, "I'm okay. She just asked if I was in an abusive relationship, it just makes me sad that some girls have to go through that." I said and looked down at our interwoven hands "I know. It's okay baby, there are people out here to help them, that's why she asked when I left the room, to give a safe space for girls who are going through that. I just need you to know that I would never lay a hand on you. I would never force you to stay if you wanted to leave. I promise I'll never hurt you Cora, you understand?" He said and gently lifted my chin up, "I know you wouldn't. I love you so much for that." I said quietly and leaned over to kiss him.

I geniuenly don't know how I got so lucky.