newbie | noen eubanks

27

*⚠️lucah gets confronted about her cutting so please don't read this if that triggers you⚠️*

lucah's pov

noen and i were laying in bed, my head on his chest, watching tv. he was playing with my hands and i had a small smile on my face. it was so peaceful and comfortable.

i had only ever worn long sleeves around him or i hid my arms but made it look comfortable. he had never seen my scars and i wasn't planning on showing him any time soon.

while he was fiddling with my fingers, my sweatshirt sleeve slipped down and he immediately froze. there were some fairly fresh cuts from the night before. i knew he was staring at them and i couldn't do anything about it. it was too late.

"uhm," i said as i sat up, "i'm gonna go to the uh restroom." i said it as though i wasn't even sure where i was going. i walked out of the room, yanking my sleeve down. i shut the door and locked it behind me and sat down on the cold floor, thinking about what i was supposed to do.

i didn't know how much time had passed but i decided to finally go back even though i didn't have a plan. i entered my room and didn't see noen. it didn't surprise me that he gave up on me just liked everyone else. i laid back down and covered my face with my hands.

"lucah," i heard someone whisper. i looked over and saw noen standing there with a tear stained face, twiddling his fingers. i stood up immediately as i questioned him, "noen what's wrong?"

"you know i saw lucah," he said, looking down at his feet. "why? you seemed so happy yesterday."

"i know. and i was, i guess it's just sort of a habit now. but intrusive thoughts too. it sucks. no matter how many people tell me they love me, that i'm beautiful, that i'm worth it, i just don't believe them. i constantly think that i'm not skinny enough to be loved, that i'm too broken, that i'm not worth it. i think that's why, i guess," i spilled, looking anywhere but his eyes.

he was silent for awhile until he grabbed my cheeks and looked directly into my eyes, "i know you probably won't believe it after what you just said, but i love you. i'm in love with you. you're gorgeous, kind, hilarious, and so so worth it. and i hope you realize that because that is the most true thing i've ever said."

i smiled. he told me he was in love with me. and i actually believed it for the first time ever.

"you know what noen?" i said smiling, "i believe you, genuinely. and i love you too."

uhhhh haha i suck but i had major writers block and this sucks but it's the best i could come up with but i promise there's gonna be some action in the next part bc i actually have a plan now. also this is #14 in the noen eubanks tag like what the heck that's insane. so basically i love y'all and thank you so much -ellie <3