newbie | noen eubanks

29

lucah's pov

noen has been really distant since we had sex and i'm extremely worried he's regretting it.

text messages

lucah
do you want to come hang😏

noen
can't today. sorry

what the hell? he never texts that bland. my mind instantly goes to the worst- what if he's cheating on me? he's cheating. he regrets losing his virginity to some ugly slut like me and he found someone better.

*tw*

i feel my eyes fill with tears as i get out of bed and rush to the bathroom. i search my drawer for my blade but i can't find it anywhere. i spot my razor on the side of the tub and grab it and break it open. i grab one of the blades and yank my sleeve up, putting it to my skin.

1- i'm not pretty enough
2- i'm not skinny enough
3- i'm too slutty
4- i'm not loved
18- i'm worthless
19- i can't do anything right
20- i'm a horrible daughter and girlfriend

i sit on the bathroom floor, sobbing in a puddle of my own blood. i need noen. but he's nowhere to be found. my mom's at work and i'm glad because she'd murder me if she knew i didn't quit cutting.

noen's pov

i've avoided lucah since that day, not because i want to but because i'm afraid to be there when her mom snaps. her mom seems to think i approve of the way lucah treats herself, but i just try to give lucah the love and support she needs.

i decide that it's finally time to go tell lucah that it's killing me not seeing her everyday and apologize for avoiding her. i walk to her house, smiling slightly the whole way. i reach her house and open the front door since it's unlocked. i head towards lucahs room but i hear someone in the bathroom on my way.

i know her mom is at work because her car is gone, so it has to be lucah. i get closer to the door and it sounds like someone sobbing. shit. what did i cause?

i open the door to see lucah sitting on the floor, sobbing her eyes out. but what horrifies me the most is how much blood is on the floor. her arm is completely red because of all the cuts up and down her forearm.

*tw over*

"oh no baby," i say as i squat down to get a towel from the cabinet. she looks at me, noticing i was there for the first time. "why?" she whispered. "why what?" i asked, cocking an eyebrow at her as i put the towel on her arm.

"why'd you cheat on me?" she asked, looking down at her legs. "where the hell did you hear that?" i said, harsher than intended. she flinched slightly at how aggressive my words sounded but she explained. "you've been so distant and short with me that it would only make sense. i guess it's not that logical," she said, trailing off towards the end.

i sat down next to her and pulled her into my chest. "i would never ever in a million years cheat on you. i've just been distant because your mom was at your door with a blade while you were asleep and she was pissed. i was worried she'd think i condoned you cutting so i've tried to stay away," i explained, "it makes less sense now that i'm saying it out loud."

"i'm sorry," she whispered, starting to cry harder. "no baby it's ok. i don't like that you do this to yourself and i want to help you stop but i know that it can be hard. just let me know if you feel like doing this and i'll come over immediately," i said, kissing her on the head. she nodded slightly and leaned further into me.

"let's get you cleaned up," i said, starting to help her up off the floor. she sat on the toilet while i bandaged her arm up and then wiped the floor. she made grabby hands at me so i went to her and lifted her up. she clung to me like a little monkey and i walked us over to her room.

we laid on the bed, cuddling for hours. despite the events that had just occurred, it felt so calm and peaceful. i wish i could stay right here forever.

sorry it's been a hot minute. i've had a rough week and haven't thought much about writing. i promise i'll spend more time making the next part better. love y'all and thanks so much for 25k reads that insane.
-ellie<3