"Stage one: Secure the perimeter. Make sure the enemy has no way in. This is our best chance of escape." "Yes sir." 12 of his best soldiers gathered around the sacred location, guarding it from intrusion. "Stage two: Locate the chest of preservation." "We found it sir." "Exellent. Now we must open in without detection. No doubt this thing is laced with traps, alarms, and lazers." Nobunaga stepped closer, his features laced with anticipation. "In approximately 5 seconds, the greatest treasure in all of Japan (dramatic pause) will be MINE! "Um.. sir? What exactly are we looking for?"one of the soldiers asked tenatantly. "For years I have waited for this moment. I have plotted for this exact oppurtunity. No doubt my enemy is cunning. He strategized the plot that would ultimately mean my demise over and over again. But today, he shall perish! As for now, I hold in my hands the most awe-inspiring substance of the world: KONPEITO!!"
Meanwhile, Hideyoshi:
"What is that noise? It sounds like the sound of... *scratches head ... LORD NOBUNAGA TRYING TO BREAK OPEN THE CHEST OF PRESERVATION! "Lord Nobunaga! Please... NOOO!!
Meanwhile: Nobunaga lecturing his men about the importance of konpeito (pointing to a poster): "This is it guys. The greatest substance on the planet. Made by the greatest culunarist in all of the great Japanese islands, Masamune Date himself! (Cue the unenthusiastic clapping) Now then. Here's one for you... and you... and of course we can't forget yo--
"Lord Nobunaga! I know your in there!" Hideyoshi yelled. "uu... Operation four: RUN LIKE THE WIND! And protect me at all costs!" Nobunaga screamed. "YES SIR!!!" His soldiers cried as they ran (quite noisily) through the halls of Azuchi. Not to mention that Nobunaga was still holding the chest of preservation, and Hideyohi was in his face mask chasing Nobunaga with a toothbrush. Thus concluding another eventful night in Azuchi.
*dear reader, the "chest of preservation" is Nobunaga's way of saying jar. Also kids, do not attempt to lecture your siblings while stealing food from the kitchen. You will get caught, and your parents will not be as merciful as Hideyoshi. Remember that this tactic is strictly for warlords ONLY. The best way to steal food is to leave your accomplices out. Do NOT forget to wear socks. This is crucial to your success. Do NOT play dramatic music. This will simply alert the parent that you are up to no good. Enjoy your midnight feast (brush your teeth afterward though) ☺ 🍿
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Ikemen Sengoku Moments
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