Ikemen Sengoku Moments

Sanitizer Wars (Present-day AU) Part 1

It all started when news of the outbreak reached Hideyoshi's densely stubborn head. Honestly, the whole situation could have been avoided if someone had just bothered to throw a pillow at his face while all the Azuchi warlords were watching the news. MC, uncomfortably squished in between Masamune and Ieyasu, tried her best to change the channel without annoying the little porcupine or drawing unwanted attention from Mr. Flirtyhead. Unfortunately, Mitsuhide, the annoying fox he was, saw through her otherwise innocent gesture, and beat her to it, deliberately raising the volume a hair. Everyone watched Hideyoshi's panic play out in slow motion after that moment, almost enjoying themselves. Well, not quite. 

For the rest of the night, Hideyoshi stayed, his eyes glued to the TV. When Nobunaga finally commanded him to go to bed, at about two in the morning, everyone breathed in a sigh of relief. MC yawned, simultaneously glaring daggers at Mitsuhide, and finally headed off to bed herself. And that was that. No one really expected anything more. Right?

Wrong. The next morning, to say it in the best way, was absolute chaos. For one thing, the minute MC stepped out, a yardstick was placed at her feet, a stern looking Hideyoshi preventing her from moving with a DIY mask covering (almost) his entire face. It was incredible. Looking back, she saw Ieyasu, with a disbelieving scowl on his face, and Mitsuhide, looking like he was laughing to death in his head. They all watched in solemn amusement (well, maybe not MC or Ieyasu, because they were trying to hide their horror) as Hideyoshi came at them with the yardstick, measuring out EXACTLY 7 feet and marking the spot at their feet with yellow construction tape. MC finally cleared her throat. "Um, so where did you get all of this?" Hideyoshi shrugged. "Walmart". 

Needless to say, the rest of the day didn't go any better. They all got in line for "breakfast," really meaning they got in line for some food, but mostly for the distribution of hand sanitizer, exactly 10 bottles per person. Nobunaga looked bored. "Hideyoshi, can I get some ultra-soft toilet paper too, while your at it?" Hideyoshi nodded, dead serious. "Yes my lord. I expected as much, and I delivered 50 rolls to your room this morning." MC almost choked on her toast. 

In the afternoon, Hideyoshi gathered an "emergency council" in MC's living room. It was over safety tips, and DIY mask making tutorials. Obviously, MC was a pro, so she rathered enjoyed her lessons. Masamune, Nobunaga, and Ieyasu however, looked so shocked and uncomfortable  doing it that they looked like they were going to cry. Mitsuhide, sitting in a corner, followed the instructions so elegantly and precisely you'd think that he was making these his whole life. Mitsunari and Ranmaru were failing miserably, but with the amount of positivity and enthusiasm they were showing, they were making everyone's eyes hurt just looking at them.

Finally, the ridiculous day was over, but not to worry, because the next day was about to get even worse...

The morning of March 23rd started out the same as the previous day... with ridiculous caution. The only difference now was that everyone was now wearing their badly sewn masks. MC almost rolled her eyes when rubbing alcohol replaced hand sanitizer from the day before. At about 3 in the afternoon, another "emergency" council was called. Mitsuhide pretended to be busy, but Hideyoshi forcibly dragged him out of his man cave. Well, this was a visual of "safety first." A presentation was presented and a pop quiz followed, everyone groaning. It was said that Nobunaga only scored a 10/100, although no one dared to pry. 

Later in the evening, when Hideyoshi was giving a lecture about hand safety (wash hands every two minutes and wear gloves whenever possible) MC stood up and yelled, "Okay, that's enough! Please stop, we get it already!" Obviously, the "siblings" of Azuchi had a very heated argument after that. It was the official declaration of war. MC, in all of her non-violent anger, squirted Hideyoshi's precious germ-X hand sanitizer at his face. Everyone gasped in fear (and awe). MC, realizing what she had done, put her head down and said sorry, but the harm was done. The war had officially begun. 

Needless to say, the leaders of the conflict were Hideyoshi and Mitsuhide, polar opposites. On Hideyoshi's side, he rallied Mitsunari, Ranmaru, and surprisingly Ieyasu. He also begged Nobunaga to join his cause, but Nobunaga was beyond saving. Hideyoshi, wiping his tears on a Kleenex Ranmaru provided for him, screamed out a declaration of dedication. "I never thought I'd say this, but if fighting this battle against you will provide the safety of you and the rest of us, then I will die fighting with honor!" Clearly, the warlords had not forgotten their warlust or determination to win. 

MC, in her dutiful repentance, shyly offered her allegiance to the Hideyoshi forces for her badly misconducted act. Hideyoshi agreed, patting her on the head. On the other side, the Mitsuhide forces consisted of Mitsuhide, Nobunaga, and Masamune. It was going to be a tough battle. The war preparations started. On Hideyoshi's side, Ieyasu grumbled under his breath, producing batches and batches of endless hand sanitizer in his laboratory. MC sewed so many masks she lost count. Hideyoshi surveyed and ordered to no extent. Ranmaru and Mitsunari strategized plans. On Mitsuhide's side, man they were playing dirty. Taking advantage of the money they possessed, they fully took advantage of Walmart, stocking up on hand soap, wet wipes, and... diapers. They were their secret weapon. 

At 4:30 am, the war fully broke out. Mitsuhide's forces targeted MC, still peacefully sleeping. Mitsuhide felt slightly regretful for her fate. Ordering Masamune, who smirked, in a clear voice, he nodded. "Launch." They brought out the catapult, loading it. Pressing the trigger, the room exploded with... diapers filled with hand soap. After 3 unsuccessful diapers, MC finally woke up, coming to her senses. Seeing the diapers everywhere, she finally registered the fact that she was in war zone. She screamed, before a diaper hit her square in the face. Taking it, she swung it at Masamune with all her might, who was so shocked, he accidently dumped all of the diapers on top of her. Taking advantage of her size, she snuck out, finding refuge with a common ally one door down. She unhesitantly ran into Ieyasu's room, locking the door. 

Surprisingly, she not only saw him awake, but the rest of the squad was also there. She explained the situation, Hideyoshi nodding solemnly. Taking a sanitizer bomb, Mitsunari snuck out to complete the mission. MC hissed. "Why did we choose him?" Hideyoshi patted her head. "I know you are worried for him, but he's perfect. He's the face of innocence with a deadly surprise." MC stared in utter disapproval. "Yeah... sure." Hideyoshi admitted defeat, sighing reluctantly. "Mostly because Ieyasu can't stand him." Ieyasu grunted in agreement. But a shriek of surprise right then proved that Hideyoshi was right. Mitsunari ran back, panting. Ieyasu's eyes narrowed. "Explain." Mitsunari started. "I cornered Masamune, waved at him with a smile, and dumped a box of tea on him, and ran away." Mc smiled happily. "Now I can die in peace." She closed her eyes. Hideyoshi rolled his eyes and questioned Mitsunari further. 

On Mitsuhide's side...

Masamune described the situation to Mitsuhide, who remained calm and focused. "Ah. I see. The little mouse and the ball of sunshine are not as safe as they look." He closed his eyes. Nobunaga let out a chuckle. "Let them play. It is obvious who the victor will be." Masamune frowned. "How so, my lord?" Nobunaga smiled. "MC is easily flustered. She will only take seconds to overpower. Hideyoshi is unfalteringly loyal to me, and he will stop fighting immediately if I tell him to do so. Ranmaru and Mitsunari are little harmless fluffballs who would never hurt anyone. But Ieyasu.... Nobunaga frowned. "Once we find out his intentions, he will go down also. That is where you come in, Mitsuhide." At his mention, Mitsuhide smiled secretively. "Leave it to me, my lord."

Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed the 1st part of this mini-series. I started on this one first because of a stroke of inspiration, but don't worry! I'll get onto the others real soon! The 24 hours challenge is going to take awhile, because I plan to do one for each warlord. As for the lil sis spotlight, I'll give it to her after this miniseries. Happy reading!