PHAN: Suicidal

Thoughts and Feelings

Dan was sick of thinking about the two of them cuddled on their sofa, eating their food, watching their TV. He wasn’t sick of Phil, he was sick of Jess. He was sick of seeing Phil happy with someone else. Even if they were just friends, he couldn’t help being immensely jealous about Phil and Jess’ new found ‘love’. He decided to be mature about it, though. He wasn’t going to sulk, he told himself. He was going to throw himself into everything else. His other friends, his work, maybe even set up some new projects or something. He wasn’t sure yet. He had to find as many things as possible to distract himself from the constant ache in his chest and the tight knot at the pit of his stomach. Maybe it was just the jealously, but he was sure that Jess would hurt Phil somehow. I mean, she was a bit of a psycho towards him.  

He sat down, at Chris’ desk, and looked through the ideas on his phone. Worst possible decision, he thought to himself. The majority of ideas he had listed were for him and someone else, and of course that someone else was Phil. He decided to make a video similar to the internet support group, but this time, he was just gunna speak about his feelings and how, often, it’s okay to feel this way.

He set up the camera, lighting and put some make-up stuff under his eyes to hide the bags. He sat down, and spoke. He stopped recording and transferred the footage onto the computer and started editing. It wasn’t until his stomach rumbled as he was finishing that he realised it was the early hours of the morning, and he should probably get some sleep.

He undressed, showered, and got into the camp bed that was made up for him in the office. He led down, eye-lids drooping, but found it hard to switch off. His brain was filled with thoughts he tried to supress, and he began tossing and turning on the mattress. He couldn’t shut himself up, and now he couldn’t get to sleep. Angry and frustrated, he got up and sat back at the offices desk.