Stay (MxM)

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"Because I am in love with you"

The moment Dec uttered that, Ant freezes, his hand falling from Dec's shoulder. He looks at Dec wide-eyed while Dec with a weight on his chest hurried to explain

Dec: "It's okay...it's okay if you don't. I understand. But I can't hold this any longer Ant...I love you. I know we are different, I know you can never love someone like me-"

Suddenly Ant stands up and shakes his head, disbelief etched inside his eyes No..No! He can't love me...he shouldn't!

He remembers how his own feeling was revealed when he had that panic attack and chokes out:

Ant: "I- I can't...."

Tears sting Dec's eyes as he looks at Ant pleadingly "I know... I am not asking you to... I am not asking anything from you..."

Ant sighs and sits heavily on the sofa, his head in his hands, guilt and regret choking him!

I know I love him...he is everything I need...but what's stopping me? Why can't I just say yes and... be happy? Why can't I ask him to... Stay?! But if I do?..can I give him the happiness he deserves? How did it come to this?! Why wasn't I careful!! Now whatever I decide, I will end up hurting him!

Ant: "I warned you...I told you not to... not to do this... not to..."

Dec sniffles at that and stands up from the floor to sit on the sofa beside Ant.

Dec: "I wish it was that easy... you were too late, Ant..."

Ant: "How long?" He asks, still finding it hard to process.

Dec: "Almost a year?"

Ant gasps at that and Dec's heart break inside his chest. He knew Ant will freak out. He was sure Ant won't love him back. But until now it was just a possibility but now it is real...its too real that it hurts.

Dec: "I tried not to...It was not on me...I am sorry. I didn't want to trouble you with this but I can't hold this anymore. Every time you talk about...our...our arrangement, it hurts...to think that what we have is not permanent and I can lose you anytime...and that in the end..it's all about money -"

Ant: "You are the one who mentioned the money only five minutes ago, Dec! And-"

Dec: "Because I was afraid to tell you the truth! I- I know you won't love me back, Ant...I understand that. I don't expect you to give anything back...you are a man of good reputation and... I know someone like me doesn't even deserve to be your friend, let alone-"

Ant turns around surprised "Is that what you think this is all about?!!" he asks horrified.

Dec frowns at that "W-hat? I thought-"

Ant: "That I can't do this because I am somehow against what you used to do?! Because I am worried about my reputation?! Is that what you think my issue is?! Am I that shallow, Dec?!!"

Dec's frown deepens "Ant...I- what?!"

Misery fills inside Ant's eyes "You are an idiot, you know that?! Dec, I was ready to introduce you as my boyfriend...to my family, to the public! I still am! I even asked you about that and you were the one who needed time, Dec! Do you think I will do something like that if I dislike you or is worried about whether you would ruin my reputation or anything?!"

Dec: "Then...why can't you...I mean-"

Ant: "It's me! It's...it's me...Dec...I can't do this...can't give you hope and...then hurt you. You were worried whether you deserve me or not?!" He huffs "Dec, it's me who doesn't deserve you. And I can't do this to you. You been through a lot and... and being with me won't give you the happiness you deserve... and you deserve to be happy and safe, Dec. I can't do that...I can't...commit to you Dec! And don't you ever think you are any lesser, because Dec... I must be a cursed person to not be able to show you what I feel for you!!"