Shattered: The Sequel to Mirrors

Apologies

Castiel wasn't there. His family was attacked by demons and angels, and he wasn't even able to get up because of his fucking wings. The Shattered remnants of what had once been gorgeous white wings. He put one finger on a burnt feather. He couldn't even retract them anymore because they hurt so badly. And now Lucifer was dead because Castiel couldn't even stand. He grabbed a clump of his feathers at the end of the wing and pulled them out. Nothing about his wings felt pleasure. It was just raw and pure pain. And Castiel knew he deserved it.

He grabbed the scissors his brothers had been using to groom his wings and started to cut. He cut off all the feathers he could reach, crying from the pain, the guilt, the sadness. He was crying because he had failed, again. He was crying so hard that he barely noticed the door opened.

"Cas? What are you doing?" Dean asked gruffly. He grabbed Castiel's wrist and then looked at the feathers on the bed, the wing bones stripped of the pathetic excuses for feathers. "Cas...." Dean started. Cas started to sob all over again and Dean pulled him in a hug. He ran a soothing hand over the wing bones, his touch barely even recognizable it was so light.

"It's my fault," Castiel sobbed. Dean ran his other hand through Castiel's hair and kissed the top of his head.

"No, no it's not Cas. It's not your fault, okay? No one is to blame for this, okay?" Dean said comfortingly, and Castiel wanted to melt into Dean's touch. He wanted to feel the way he had so long ago, the night the Winchester's had to leave because of the deal they made with the angels. The first night he and Dean had been together. He needed the comfort of the hunter's hands, his mouth...he needed to remember what it was like for things to be okay.

Castiel grabbed Dean's face in his hands and brought their lips together, tasting his own tears as well as what he could only imagine were Dean's. Dean's lips worked against Castiel's, opening up the angel's mouth and slipping his tongue gently into Castiel's mouth. And then he pushed Castiel back. The hunter looked confused. He looked hurt. But god did he look angry.

"I'm sorry," Castiel mumbled. "I'm really sorry."

"No you're fine. It's uh, no big deal. I'm going to go see Michael," Dean said, standing up and going to the door. Castiel stumbled to his feet, ignoring the horrific pain in his wings as he did so.

"I'm sorry," Castiel said as Dean walked into the hallway. Dean turned around and looked at Castiel.

"I'm serious, Cas, you don't have to apologize. It's just...I'm not gay. And I don't want you thinking....I don't know. Thinking something," Dean mumbled and as the words left his mouth, Castiel felt his heart break. He had failed. He had failed everyone over and over again, and now he had lost his older brother and now Dean probably hated him.

"I'm sorry," Cas said again, bursting into tears.

"What the hell?!? What'd you do?" Gabriel yelled. Castiel wasn't exactly sure when his older brother had come out of his room, but he could tell he was pissed as hell.

"It's not his fault," Castiel mumbled, trying desperately to regain some sense of composure. This wasn't him. This was pathetic. Castiel didn't cry. When Dean died, he brought him back. He slaughtered his brothers and sisters, he destroyed the demons. He was powerful. Except now he was standing in the hallway crying like a baby dragging pathetic excuses for wings behind him.

"What the fuck?" Gabriel said to Dean, all but ignoring Castiel. "You really think now of all times is the right moment to pull your stupid stunts?"

"I'm not pulling any stunt! I'm trying not to lead Cas on," Dean growled back.

"You're so fucking stupid, you know that, Dean? It's not like you can't claim to know anymore. You're more fucking in love with Cas than you know how to deal with, and you're just too damn scared to do anything about it!" Gabriel growled. Castiel's eyes were too blurry with tears to see Dean's facial expression, but his entire body was tense.

"Fuck you Gabe," Dean growled before disappearing down the stairs. Gabriel crosses the hallway to Castiel and wrapped his arms around Castiel. Castiel quit trying not to cry. He allowed himself to cling to his brother, and Gabriel hugged him back also crying.

"I'm sorry, Cassie. I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't...I don't know. I'm sorry," Gabe mumbled, trying to hold onto his brother despite their awkward height difference.

"It's not Dean's fault," Castiel mumbled. Gabriel sighed.

"You're right. I know that, Cassie. I'm just upset," Gabriel mumbled. "Do you want a sandwich?" Castiel nodded and attempted to wipe away his tears and maybe regain some of his dignity. Gabriel reaches up to ruffle his hair and then pulled him down the stairs. Sam was standing in the kitchen and looked anxious when Gabriel entered.

The youngest archangel crossed the kitchen and grabbed Sam, pulling him into an aggressive hug. Sam hugged him back and then opened one of his arms and gestures for Castiel to join the hug. Castiel slid himself comfortably between Sam and Gabriel and allowed them to practically kill him with their aggressive hug.

"I'm sorry Samsquatch," Gabriel mumbled as they all separated.

"Don't be," Sam said, sliding his hand into Gabriel's. "I get it."

"Where's Michael?" Castiel asked. He realized that his wings had retracted themselves without him noticing, but were already hurting like hell. The one he had stripped of feathers felt a bit better than the other one, so he figured he would eventually have to take the feathers off the other one.

"He went for a walk. He's...pretending like nothing happened," Sam said, face full of concern. Gabriel squeezed his hand.

"He'll come around, I promise. For now, let's try to figure out a way to get our witch back," Gabriel said.

Okay, I hate myself for making all of this so depressing. Sorry guys. Anyhow...if there are a bunch of mistakes let me know. I guess I didn't plug in my laptop right last night because I have 30% battery and I need it for class so I typed all of this on my phone. So yeah, if it's messy, my apologies. I'm going to try to do another chapter tonight. I'm like, a super updater now that this is depressing as hell.

I have the honor to be your obedient servant.