Lovely Obsession

Comfort

Blake

"What exactly do you remember?"

I didn't answer.

"... Blake." The man said, "What do you remember? Do you remember all of it?"

... I...

"Blake?"

"... I..." I said, softly. The room was just me, just me and this man at the table. I didn't like it. The microphones in the room were bothering me, too. "I remember... But I don't want to."

I went through weeks of that. I spent the first week in a hospital, I was asleep through most of it. I would hear people talk, though.

"He hadn't been eating properly." That woman in white would say, "Bark, leaves, all of that in his system. And he hasn't cleaned himself in all that time, too. A large lice infestation."

After the hospital, still in bandages, I went to what the people called, "the institution". A room with mirrors at the wall in one side. The bed was white, toys were littered in one corner. All I did was sit against the wall, hugging my knees. I actually had a bathroom, and they'd give me real food. At least once a day, I had to go in that small room with that man. He'd ask me questions.

During the second week in there:

"Tomorrow is your last day here." The man said.

"... But..." I didn't want to leave, "Where will I-?"

"Your aunt Lauren. Do you remember her?"

"... I... Think I remember her name." I said, but in a questioning tone.

"Why her name, and not her as a person?"

"... Mo-" I choked out, "Mom always argued on the phone with her. I know because, Mom would keep saying her name. 'You can't visit, Lauren', 'You'll get in the way between me and my son, Lauren'."

The man paused, "Do you remember seeing her?"

"... I-... I think she visited me when I was at Da-" Again, the choking, "Dad's. But it was late, so I had to go to sleep. But she hugged me really tight."

The man offered a very small smile, "Your new home will be with her."

Billions of questions passed through my head, just I didn't pick and speak one. I just stared at the man, silent.

"It's a much different environment from your previous homes."

Does that cabin count?

He continued, "It's in a hotel, but a big suite. And not in a desolate area, it's in a town. Nice city though. Great school system. You haven't went to school yet, haven't you?" He asked. I shook my head. "Well, the school you'll be going to is very nice. The town is nice, the townspeople are nice. Everything will be fine."


Two days later, I was in a car. It had been driving for more than a few hours. I almost dozed off many times, but kept shaking myself awake. We passed many towns, each one I thought, "Okay. This one's it." But then we'd pass it and enter another desolate area.

I dozed off, I couldn't fight it off.


"Wake up." The driver's deep yet calm voice stirred me from my sleep. I opened my eyes, blinking. It when when I turned to my side that I saw it.

We were parked at the side of a building. In front of the building was two people. A man and a woman. The woman was smiling with sweet smile, her eyes half closed. Her locks of brown hair fell perfectly off her shoulders. The man's smile was just barely there, his black hair small, frizzled and rumpled.

Someone was at the side of my door. She opened the door for me.

... I'm guessing I have to step, no, get out.

Slowly, I slid out from my seat and out the car. I almost fell when my feet touch the ground. Keep it together. Keep it together.

I kept my eyes down on my shoes as I walked. One step, two step, three step, four step...

"Blake," The woman said, her voice oozing caring happiness. I looked up at her. She was looking at me, not down on me. Her smile was pure bliss. "It's nice to see you again."

She grabbed my hand, holding it.


We went through the building. People were there. There was a desk in front of the large room, a woman sitting behind it. She immediately made eye contact with me. As soon as I saw the smile curl her lips, I looked down.

I felt Lauren's fingers dig tighter with mine. I wanted to slap her hand away.

We approached a small hallway. There was three high grey plates on each side of the small hall. The man reached over and pressed a button near the plates. I watched his movements, blinking.

Not five seconds after the button was pressed and the man relaxed back, one of the plates at the side opened. I stared at it, and then the man and Lauren made their way over. I was just being dragged after.

The man went inside of the plate and vanished. My eyes went wide. So, it was a room? You just had to press a button and...? Okay. Okay.

It was when I got closer to see the inside that I got scared.

It... Was the size of a closet.

My feet glued to the spot, and Lauren had to freeze. She glanced back at me.

"... Blake?" She said, blinking. I felt the man's eyes blinking at me, too. "What's wrong?"

She tried to tug me along, but I was stuck on the floor.

"... Blake, it's okay. It's an elevator, you know what that is? We go inside and it takes us to a different floor - upstairs. It'll only take a moment. It's okay."

No. No. No, no, no. The room was too small, what if I'm gonna be stuck there and-?

"Blake?"

I'm not crying. 

"Huh?"

Did I say that out loud?

I looked up at Lauren, who was watching with some concern. I took a very quick glance at the man in the 'elevator'. His hand was against the side of were the plate was. He was watching with more curiosity than concern.

I stepped inside.


Lauren asked me questions. Not questions like the man back at the institution asked. But small talk. She tried to make small talk.

Sitting at the stool, I just stared at her. 

"Is there anything you like to eat?"

What was that food they gave me at the institution? I don't know. What was the food I was fed before, with Dad? I... I don't know. I think it was... No. I don't remember.

The only thing I know the name of the things I ate was the bark. The leaves, the bark, and then all over again when I vomited.

"I don't know what they're called."

"Oh," She blinked, sitting at the other side of the table. The man, whose name I learned was George, entered the kitchen, blinking. "Well, is there one thing you remember?"

Bark. Leaves. Cloth. And then all over again. "I don't want to eat those, though."

Lauren cracked a smile, "Then, I'll just make you some nice, healthy food, alright?"

I nodded, slowly.


A few hours later, I started to roam around the house. It was cleaned up nice. I just kept walking back and forth. I finally payed attention to the pictures framed on top of a stand after the fifth time passing it.

Pictures.

I passed each one. 

About everyone of them held smiles.

I stopped at one.

My Mom and Dad. Sitting together. Smiling.

You could imagine how that went down.

When the glass of the frame shattered against the floor, I heard Lauren and George gasp. And then they both rushed over.

"Blake, what-!?" Lauren stopped right in her tracks in shock, as did George, but it seemed like mere follower instinct. "What happened?"

I stared at the mess I made.

"Did you do this? Did you do this, Blake?" Lauren came up behind me. Instinctively, I turned around, eyes narrowed. She knelt down at the mess, "Don't touch the glass, okay? Blake, why did-?" She froze when she pulled out the picture. Mom and Dad. Smiling faces. Deranged eyes - staring right at me.

"I didn't like it." I said.

She paused, before turning to me and saying, "Go somewhere else, while I clean this up."


I waited in the living room.

I sat cross legged on the floor, staring at the TV. Occasionally, things would change incredibly. A woman or man would appear and talk about some thing that chops up food, that keeps your feet warm and...? I don't get it.

After those weird bright topics, the screen would change drastically. Dark atmosphere, sweaty people, in some dirty shed. 

I heard George come up and sit himself on the couch behind me.

"They could be located across state. Shit!" The man on the screen hissed at the other. I heard George's gasp.

"Uhm, kid - I mean, Blake, I think you should-"

I tuned him out, watching the screen. The two men conversed, voices oozing anger.

"Do we have enough ammo? We'll have to take out all them sons of bitches-"

Numbers appeared at the top of the screen, and then the screen changed again - drastically. Now in the screen appeared some animated, bright colors. Yellow, pink, blue, red, those colors were littered on the screen, loud voices oozing idiocy and happiness.

I turned to look at George for question.

He had this awkward, nervous smile, "That stuff wasn't nice stuff. You know SpongeBob? Yeah. Here, watch that."

I stared at him blankly, before turning back to the screen. 


A few minutes later I heard George and Lauren hissing at each other. George was still at his spot, it seemed Lauren was over his shoulder.

"He was watching-"

"Why'd you even have that on in the first place?!"

It was hard to ignore them.


It was eight o'clock when Lauren told me to go to bed.

I wasn't in bed. I was just sitting against the wall, listening to Lauren and George's voices. They were arguing.


"He's just... Augh." George sighed, "I think he should have stayed in the institution for a bit longer. It doesn't seem as if he's ready."

"He's been through a lot, okay?" Lauren said with some anger in her voice.

I felt my eyes sting. I whispered to myself, "I'm not crying."

"That's exactly what I'm trying to say!" George said, "He has to stay there for a bit longer and get the help he needs. Just look at him! He's not ready. He's scared shitless of an elevator-"

"It was too small for his comfort."

"Augh. Yes, I know. That's what I'm trying to say! He's scared of being in small areas, doesn't fucking talk or express himself in anyway. Hell, he even threw that picture of his parents across the room because he didn't like it!"

"He did that because of what he saw. Rachel trapped him in that room for months and abused him! He saw Mike get killed, for God's sake!"

I started to shake, "I'm not cr-crying."

"EXACTLY! He needs to get more help! If he doesn't get it, then he'll be like this forever! He won't know how to cope and talk and do anything on his own."

"I'm not..." I pressed my cheek against my shoulder. I shut my eyes tight, as tears slipped down my face, "Crying..."

They were quiet for a long time.

"... He'll have a therapist. They could talk whenever Blake wants to. Okay? Is that enough?" Lauren offered.

"... He's going into school soon. He's obviously scared and uncomfortable around people, so I don't know what we're gonna do about that."

Either they left to talk elsewhere, talked much quietly, or stopped talking in general. Because silence entered my ears.


At one point while I was in bed, someone opened the door. I remained still, in my covers, pretending to be sleeping. After a moment, the door closed, letting me sigh in relief.


I couldn't sleep.

I kept hearing the voices.

"WHY'D YOU SPIT IT OUT!?"

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO EVEN TRY!?"

"WHY'RE YOU CRYING!?"

Slap.

I threw myself against the wall for what seemed like the hundredth time. I don't know how much time passed, but it seemed hours later I started to scream and hit the walls.

I kept banging on the walls, scratching and throwing myself against them.

I lost all energy.

Now I was just lying on the floor, curled up in a ball. I kept shaking, tears staining my face. Horror, sorrow, anguish, it was all flooded in my eyes.

The door opened, and I saw a figure standing there. I didn't look as they walked over and crouched down next to me. They spoke, "Why - Why're you crying?"

My eyes went wide, shock shooting into my entire being. I quickly looked up at the person.

I saw deranged eyes.

"STOP IT!" I sat up with a shriek. I shoved at the person's chest, but they didn't budge. I crawled back, tears falling down my face, "STOP! I'M NOT-!"

"Blake," I heard a wavering voice. Hands grabbed my shoulders, causing me to narrow my eyes. "Blake!"

"I'M NOT CRYI-!"

"Wake up!" The hands yanked me close. Arms were wrapped around me, I against the person's chest. I blinked, shaking. "It's okay."

It was George's voice.

He rubbed my shoulder, the one that was left un-wounded. I stayed against him, completely still. I sniffed.

He whispered, "It's safe here."


Lauren was my morning comfort, and George was my night comfort. Lauren took care of me and comforted me in the morning, while George just drifted away. He was like a phantom. He was either there, or he wasn't.

It bothered me. It was too much like Dad.

I had those nightmares and tantrums every night. I'd go in my room at eight, go to bed at nine, lie there for hours, and it was around two or three in the morning when I started screaming.

George always entered the room and snap me out of it by hugging me. We would stay there for an hour, at most.

"Come on," His voice was groggy, "Get back into bed."

I pulled away from him and jumped into bed. George picked up the fallen covers and set them over me. He turned around, and I called him, "George," I said, "Can you stay here until I sleep?"

He stayed.

He sat at the chair at the side of the room. I lied in bed, eyes blank. Usually an hour would pass when I heard George get up. "Wait, George," I called, "I'm not asleep yet."

He'd sit back down. 

He was always the one to sleep. Sitting in the chair, he'd doze off, and I just lied there and watched him until morning came.

Lauren would come in, concern on her face. She'd notice George sitting in the chair and scowl at both of us. When George got out of the chair and leave for work, he'd stretch for so long. I winced at every cracking sound.


"Insomnia." George once said to Lauren in the morning before leaving the door for work. I was sitting at the table, blinking at both of them. He pointed at me, "Add that to the list."


Lauren kept taking me to the hospital.


I was listening to Lauren and George's conversations again, like I did every night. I pressed my ear against the wall.

"Posttraumatic stress disorder, obsessive-Compulsive disorder, insomnia, selective mutism." George sighed very heavily, "Too much, too much."

"Claustrophobia."

"Oh, let's not forget that. Oh God. So, is he getting sleeping pills or not?" George asked.

"They'll have them ready next week. But he's a child, we have to remember that."

A pause, then a groan, "He won't let me sleep in peace."


I always heard his whining every night. But that didn't mean I'd give him a break. I continued to scream and he'd do the regular routine. Come in, hug me, tuck me in bed, sit on the chair. Soon he started to bring comforters so he could sleep on the floor next to my bed.

"I can't see you." I informed him.

He moved him self farther away so I could.


I don't why. Just his... Thereness. It was nice.


"Are you brave?"

"Yes."

"Are you a strong little guy?"

"Yes."

Funny how all the other parents here hugged and kissed their kids goodbye as the entered the school. Then here's George, asking me if I was brave and if I wasn't, he wasn't coming to save me. Dark circles were all around his eyes, his smile - his look strained.

By looking at all the other parents, I think Aunt Lauren would have been a better choice to drop me off. George just looked so out of place.

He was crouched down in front of me, his expression hard. "Are you ready?" He asked.

"Yes."

He allowed himself to smile, "Great." He held up his hand. A small smile on my face, I slapped my palm against his. "Remember, stay here when class is over."


Surprisingly, I was much more ready than some kids.

One boy hid in the closet all day, and refused to come out. When the teacher opened it, he'd scream. His Mother had to come and convince him to get out. One girl stayed in the corner of the room and cried, saying she wanted to leave. It took a long while for the teachers to calm her down.

We were put into groups. Red, blue, purple, green, yellow, and orange. Five people in each group. I was put into the red group. We sat in our rows and the teacher did roll call.

"Here!" Was repeated many times. I think my 'here' was much more quieter than the rest. Squeaky. I hung my head in shame.

Then there was the girl in front of me.

She screamed it at the top of her lungs, nearly breaking my ears. "HERE!"

Everyone went quiet.

"... I got it, sweetie." The teacher smiled at her and went on. 


We had to sit at the circular tables of our color. We were coloring and drawing - crafts. I was staring blankly at my paper for a long time, then looked at every other kid in the room. They were scribbling like crazy.

I looked at my partner's papers. One girl was drawing a princess, one guy was drawing a dinosaur, and the other was drawing a tree in the woods - the sun bright and yellow. The girl next to me was drawing a familiar looking, colorful house.

A house.

I looked at my paper. 

Okay. Okay.

I grabbed a handful of crayons and started to draw.

The girl next to me threw her red crayon into the box in the middle of the table and grabbed the green one. The girl across from her looked over, "Is that a house?"

The girl responded, "Blue's Clues!"

Oh God, try to speak without breaking my ears.

The girl across the table leaned over, "Are you gonna draw Blue there?"

"... UGGHH!" She groaned. I winced, placing a hand over my ear. "I already drew green all over, and it'll look really ugly if I try to add blue!"

They both went back to coloring, but I kept my hand over my ear - just in case. The girl across from us wrote her name on the back of the paper. The girl next to me looked up, and leaned across the paper, "Juli-... Julie."

"It's Juliet." Juliet smiled at the girl next to me.

"Ah, I heard that name before! Something like... Juliet in Rome."

Juliet laughed, "It's Romeo and Juliet!"

"Oh."

"Na-Name, right! What's your name?"

The girl next to me paused, then smiled and turned her head. I scowled as her hair whipped at me, "Guess!"

Juliet gaped, "I don't know! Tell me!"

"It starts with a... Huh. What does...? Oh, and S, right, an S! It starts with an S."

"... Sophia?" 

"Augh, you were SO close!" The girl laughed and slammed her hand on the table. She grinned, giggling, and I glanced at her.

She said, "It's Sophie."

one of the chapters that i had already written up! honestly, i really liked writing this one. like, a lot. i got most of the next written up, but still missing some scenes. if i finish my writing count for today, i'll try finishing that one! o k a y  i'll try to calm down with these lil notes