Just a little crazy (finished)

chapter 5

I didn't go to my dorm room, knowing that if someone was sent after me, that would be the first place they look. So instead I made my way to the theatre room.

I wasn't crying anymore, but I wasn't smiling either. I didn't really know how I felt, my mood changing too fast for me to decide. But they were back, whispering, screaming.

Voices, something ive had for a while but never get used to.

I was actually stupid enough to hope they were gone once. Of course, they weren't and now I'll never forget that.

I just needed to let some steam out.

If I learnt anything since I started using that potion, it was bottling things in only made my mood swings more explosive.

And because I couldn't exactly beat someone up or even better kill someone, I was going to do the next best thing, sing.

I didn't waste any time, going straight to the stage, grabbing my Acoustic guitar and taking my place behind the microphone.

I close my eyes, trying to clear my mind a bit before staring. When it doesn't work, I let out a breath and just start. Strumming the strings of my guitar and getting ready to sing another original, perfect for today.

There are days when I feel on top of the world
And days when I'm not myself at all
There's a man in my head he talks to me
He's telling me lies that I believe

Tears gather in my eyes once more, my fingers having their way with the guitar stings and my voice bouncing off the walls.

And his voice is the thunder
And I keep falling under
I'm not who I wish to be
(no)

Now I just wanna break down
But I won't say it out loud
So how do I make you see?

My head starts to clear up as I continue, a small smile forming ass the tears fall down my already tear stained freckled cheeks.

I keep on hearing voices
They're questioning my choices
I lay awake, I can't sleep, no
(hearing voices)
The cycles I try to break them
But I just can't seem to shake them
Guess I'm stuck in this routine
When I hear the voices say
You're not good enough
You should give up
You'll never find love
When I hear the voices
I hear the voices say

I still hold on to hope so hopelessly
But don't see the love surrounding me
There's a light on the hill I try to reach
But every time the climbs too steep

The weight on my chest lifts, my foggy mood going with it.

And his voice like the thunder
Keeps me falling under
I'm not who I wish to be
Now I just wanna break down
But I won't say it out loud
So how do I make you see?

I keep on hearing voices
They're questioning my choices
I lay awake, I can't sleep, no
(hearing voices)
The cycles I try to break them
But I just can't seem to shake them
Guess I'm stuck in this routine
When I hear the voices say
You're not good enough
You should give up
You'll never find love
When I hear the voices
I hear the voices say

The tears don't stop, the lyrics I wrote with my own hands reminding me of how sucky life can be.

Happy child just stay the same as you are
Happy child don't change
Happy child teach us to smile through the dark
Happy child don't change like me
Cause I keep on hearing...

I keep on hearing voices
They're questioning my choices
I lay awake, I can't sleep, no
(hearing voices)
The cycles I try to break them
But I just can't seem to shake them
Guess I'm stuck in this routine
When I hear the voices say

You're not good enough
You should give up
You'll never find love
When I hear the voices
I'm hearing voices

When I hear the voices
I hear the voices say
When I hear the voices
I'm hearing voice say

Before I know it I've finished the song, letting out an airy laugh as I let my guitar hang around by body on the strap.

"wow," I let out a yelp of surprise, quickly wiping the tears off my face and spinning around to find the owner of the voice.

"Todoroki," I breath out, letting my body relax again. I hadn't even notice him come in.

My cheeks slowly turn red as I realize he'd heard me sing, and one of my own songs at that.

"I apologise if I scared you midoriya," the taller boy spoke, walking up to the stage.

I give him a smile as I put my guitar back. "D-don't be. B-but, uh, how'd you find me?" I ask shyly, rubbing the back of my neck and taking a seat on one of the large speakers.

"Mr. aziwa sent me to look for you. When you weren't at your dorm, I looked around the school before hearing someone singing. I came here and found you. You're really good by the way, and was that an original?" he asks, clearly impressed.

I feel my cheeks heat up more and amusement dances in his eyes. "U-uh... y-yeah it was... all the songs I sing are..." I answer, gazing at the floor with a small smile.

"Hmm," he hums thoughtfully, now standing in front of me. "You should join bakugou and I," my eyes go wide, head shooting so fast it causes me to wince.

"w-what?!" I almost shout, the shock shown clearly on my face. It may seem as if I'm overreacting a bit but trust me what I say that I'm not.

Todoroki's and bakugou's little band, or firefly, as there known as, is almost impossible to get in to. Despite only having two members and clearly needing more, they haven't accepted anyone. 26 auditions yet not a single new member.

He simply nods his head, running a hand threw his two-toned hair.

"Mm-hmm, you've certainly got the talent, plus you can write so that's a bonus. There's also the fact that katsuki and I actually like you," he responds, looking down at me with his use blank expression.

"holly fuck," I mumble to myself, looking down at the ground, green eyes still wide.

Apparently, Todoroki doesn't like my new habit of swearing, for his eyes narrow and he growls out, "langue."

I let out a nervous laugh, looking up at him once more. "hehe, sorry todo..." I say sheepishly. He hums in response, seemingly satisfied.

It's quiet for a moment before he speaks again.

"so, what do you say?" I glance away for a second, thinking.

It could be risky, and id have to spray myself some more, but it sounds fun and I probably won't get a better excuse to hang out with them without drawing suspicion.

As long as I'm careful... I should be able to do this... even if it means spraying myself more.

Ignoring the consequences, I smile, stand up, and say, "I'd love to join firefly todo, thank you so much." I'm almost sad when I don't start crying.

Stupid right?

I guess it just reminded me that I'm not the same anymore, I don't think I will ever be back to my old self. And I'm not sure ill ever be okay with that.

^^^

After I thanked Todoroki, we had talked for a bit before he left to go back to class, giving me instructions to go to my dorm room. I was grateful when he didn't ask if I was okay, I didn't want to have to lie to him anymore then I already have.

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Sorry it's a bit shorter then normal.