causers of this | tyler, the creator [+18] | semi-hiatus (???)

ivy

@geauxbreaux: ivy is so shady LOL

@geauxbreaux: I wonder if @outrvge heard/likes blonde...

@outrvge: @geauxbreaux are you bored? it shouldn't matter. stan for your fave beloved

"God, remind me to mute everything having to do with this man ASAP." I muttered, staring at my Twitter mentions on my phone in disdain before rolling my eyes.

Kacie and Alex were at my apartment and everything was set up for a movie night slash sleepover. The Princess Bride was first on our list and we were putting the finishing touches on all the snacks and drinks before starting.

Alex thrusted a premade shot into my hand and I took it, no questions. The burn hit my throat and made me hiss afterwards, sipping some of my already spiked daiquiri to chase it down.

"Same... apparently now he on a stream building some shit on an endless loop for a thousand hours...? None of it makes sense." Alex shook her head, shrugging before leaning in to grab out of the huge Tostitos bag I had in my hand.

I sucked my teeth and bundled up into the corner of my couch. "It probably only makes sense to him just like every fuckin' thing else he does."

Kacie walked back from the kitchen into the living room holding a bowl of freshly prepared queso, sitting it down on my coffee table before plopping down between us and pressing play.

"I still wanna cut that nigga 'cause, giiiirl... you literally saved him from getting stabbed several times, how did you deal with that headass shit?" She passionately interjected, helping herself to some chips as well.

I opened my mouth to reply but stopped short, realizing that I never really had to deal with it until our relationship got worse for wear. It was fun at first, being with somebody who took the reigns because it meant that I could sit in the passenger seat so to speak, take care of him in some ways I always wanted to romantically while he took care of me.

As you wish, princess...

It worked out initially, until we got to the point where I realized he liked things to be his way or no way all the fucking time. I think he liked his idea of me and wanted to change me into it, morph me into something I really, truly, honestly, wasn't. I wasn't docile. I wasn't tame. I wasn't submissive. I could be all those things, my love language made me adaptable but consistently having to pull back my personality and be this polished version of me felt unnatural.

Love makes you stupid. I tried it up to a point. Then I started to rebel against what I can see now was that same energy I always hated in relationships.

He lost whatever control he thought he had over me, lost control of himself, his life, his career, his music as different things happened afterwards; his dad suing him for slander, sending him into the worst depressive episode I've ever seen him in... he couldn't work through it so he suffered. Then another set of lawsuits came, companies were holding him accountable for flaking out on major contracts... he was losing money quickly. The stress of it all was too much. The darkness he was in was causing him to make irrational decisions like "quitting music" and leave his management team, turning his back on Kelly and Clancy after all they'd done for him.

Then he started drinking to escape it all.

I stuck around for all that too. I was used to dysfunction. Became his emotional punching bag, still trying to be there for him until I couldn't take it anymore. Let him tell it, there was no wrong done on his end.