Diary Of Tears

Eula: Entry 02

"Just a dream, it's just an ordinary dream. Do I have to keep hoping in getting all the things I want in life?"

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I just got back dearest of all my diaries. I actually have some things to confess myself. You know how in my first entry I wanted to confess to Natsu because I wanted to go out with him? Well that will have to wait maybe... Depends if I even want to wait honestly...

I say those things because he has someone else. Yrene is her name and they seem to be happy together. I care about his happiness honestly but is it wrong for me to feel a little heartbroken and sad? Hoping that he will choose me one day? There is nothing bad in hoping right... I probably sound very selfish right now but that's how I really feel... I want to keep my feelings and I do not want it to disappear. I guess I will hold on to it for my sake. I am very conflicted right now. What if I end up being alone for the rest of my life?? I have so many questions I do not have answers to... I wish I have answers for them but only time can tell. The million dollar question is, IS HE WORTH THE WAIT? As of right now, I feel like you are worth the wait, Natsume.

I was always told that IF I am ever in doubt I should not be afraid to go to church and pray to God about it. This sunday I will and see if it makes me feel a little better. Maybe hangout with some friends too if I have the time? I cannot even write into all these pages of how much work has been stressing me out lately. It is not healthy for me and I wanna consider quitting, but I want to save money, hopefully to be with Natsu and fly to his country if we ever get together. He probably thinks I am a creep if I ever tell him that I dream about it alot. But there is nothing wrong with that right..?

Speaking of girls, I saw what his girlfriend looks like, Yrene looks like a goddess, ever since I saw her, I just stare at myself in the mirror thinking, will I ever be good enough? She looks like a goddess and I don't... All of the girls he dated before her looks beautiful, I want to be beautiful too, I want him to notice me!

Will you find a way for him to notice me my friend?