Diary Of Tears

Eula: Entry 05

"And it's always the same
I'm still playing your games
Romances to blame
I stay drunk off the pain
You already know that
I say goodbye then I come back
Realize that I need you
And then I just try to forget you again"

- Red Rose Petals by Trace Cyrus and Tay

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I woke up to a very weird dream, the weird dream is basically senpai confessing to me out of the blue. He said he is sorry because he never realized how he felt sooner, and he thinks he would be in much less of pain than he is now if he was with me. I don't know why but that makes me wish now that its true... i want him to be happy and not be sad all the time, and if we do become a couple i will make sure he is the luckiest and the happiest man alive in this wold.

Speaking of the devil, i been helping him do some stuff on his cosplay for Agni, i didnt think he would be into such thing, maybe one day when me and him are finally a couple and be together in one country and household we can go to conventions together and cosplay as an anime couple that we both love even thinking of the idea makes me flustered, is this feeling obsession or do i just really love senpai that much? I don't care though because the feelings make me happy and i think my happiness matters more than anything.

I also started to save money so it will be ready when the time comes for me to move to his country, of course i would need to save up a lot because of the cost of visa and immigration. I heard that stuff is not cheap, it will be easy because of the amount of hours that i work though, so I'll be ready in no time... but first things first i gotta ask senpai out first and makes our relationship official, it makes me want to bury myself underground  just thinking about it, i had ex boyfriends yes but he's the only one who actually made me feel this way. I gotta stop for now though... my family is starting to notice these things.

The last thing i want is them finding out and brainwash me to change my mind about him later. Asian families are notorious for making things difficult for their kids when they finally find somebody they love, they either give their kids a hard time or convince your significant other to leave you, and of course question your life choices. This is why we cannot have nice things, people like them tend to ruin everything when we just want to live our lives. It takes a lot for a super strict Asian mom to approve of her daughter's boyfriend, the stereotype is that they expect a lot from the dude, they treat it like we need to get married ASAP its actually annoying to think about it. I would definitely not raise my kids on this kind of mentality, i want what's best for them in the future.

I should be okay for now because i have not confessed anything yet and neither did he. For all we know we would just stay friends forever.... actually makes me sad thinking about it, but if its his choice there's nothing i can do about it. I am going to say if i do end up getting rejected it was a good feeling loving somebody like that, it gave me hope that humanity is not on their last legs yet.

It's getting late though, i have to go for now, I'll share you what else goes on when i get a chance, please do not fret i am absolutely positive about Natsu returning my feelings! See you around alligator!

Love,
Eula